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Friday she picked me up and went to a cafe for tea (me) and coffee. We ran a few of her errands and went to Walmart. When all of that was done she tells me that she has been invited out to lunch and would I like to join her. Lunch was with a man that grew up with and was friends with my dad's brother. He and his wife live about 30 miles from my town. I met him when my Uncle and cousin were here. His wife I did not meet until Friday.
On the whole it was a pleasant enough day. Lunch was good and I had enough left over to reheat for dinner. Chinese food.
It is rather odd that my mother accepted since she has always been reclusive in nature and has not had friends even while I was growing up and odder still that at the last minute she invited me even though we had spoken Thursday night.
My dad was a recovering alcoholic and was drinking when my parents remarried each other when I was 18. He stopped drinking some 25 years ago when he had an accident running a red light while drinking. My mother always told me that anyone that drank everyday has a drinking problem. She never kept alcohol in their home nor did she drink at all. Now that dad is gone, since the day he died on Halloween she told she has had one drink everyday. It 'relaxes' her and "it's only one drink so she does not have a drinking problem. Okay whatever.
My mother is agnostic and has never had a problem in saying so. She swears now that shortly after my dad died his spirit visited her. She was sitting one evening in her chair with her cats and she felt a presence and looked to where his chair use to be and there he was and then he was gone. She was all freaked out about it and asked me if I thought he came to scare her because he was unhappy with her for something. I said "what?!!" I told her he may have wanted her to know everything was alright. I think she bought that. This is totally something I would experience since I do believe in a Higher Power and think of myself as spiritual rather than religious. This is off the wall for her. She now does not know what to think or believe and asked me on Friday if I beleived in an afterlife. Yes and I shared some of my beliefs. Wierd conversation.
We spoke of the grieving process some and she questions how she is grieving. I suspect she is secretly not grieving then feeling guilty about it. She told me on Friday that her and my dad did not have an optimum relationship as husband and wife. I think that their having their own bedrooms is evidence of that and that happened not too long after they married each other the second time. I think it was due to dad's loud snoring when he was drunk but does not explain if that was the case why not be back together when he stopped drinking cuz he stopped snoring too.
My mother then spoke about her mother. My Gram and hero. My Gram was the only good thing and the only one who tried to protect me from the evil stepfather. My mother told me that as a child and adult she does not remember one time that my Gram hugged or kissed her or even told her she loved her yet she did those things to me but no one else and she does not know why. I don't either cuz Gram was always loving to me except for the one time she backhanded me. My mother then went on to say she was not a good mother cuz she and my dad were emotionally distant from my sister and I. Meaning they rarely hugged us or were affectionate with us nor were either of them able to speak of emotions. I rolled my eyes as this is true and she does not know why I am different from my dad, her and my sister. I told that yes hugging any of you is like hugging a telephone pole but I have always done it anyway. She confessed that all of them probably liked the way I was. Blowing my mind here. Sad alot too late.
My dad asked his friend Doug who is younger than I to check on my mother after he was gone and Doug has done that. He recently was out there and they were chatting about another guy who was a mutual friend of dad's and Dougs and he had told my mother anytime she needed help with anything to call him. He liked my dad. This guy is younger than Doug and he drinks from the minute he wakes to the minute he goes to sleep. He also has multiple girlfriends, one of which is older than my mother and my mother is 75. So my mother is stating that she won't call this guy cuz he may make a pass at her and/or want to make her one of his girlfriends. :rofl:/> :rofl:/> :rofl:/>
Then she goes on to tell me that she is afraid that my dad's brother my Uncle Craig will come out to see her alone sometime and try something with her. She said he tried to kiss her on the mouth when he was leaving when he and my cousin visited and she said that is not the first time he has tried to kiss her on the mouth. Ewwwww!!! TMI
Then she takes that a little further stating that she was not a good mother and always picked the wrong men to spend time with. She tells me that when my sister and I were gone in the summers visiting my dad she would go bar hopping and bring men home. She says she remembers one that had to be a "closet homosexual", another one was a thief and proud of it and another one was a pathalogical liar and a long term boyfriend who was a doctor who abused drugs and alcohol. What is there to say to this? I said nothing and changed the subject.
I think all this was TMI. I cannot pin point it but there is something I am missing here and it feels off somehow. IJDK!!!!
Otherwise I am at an even keel with pain and sleep.