Jump to content






Photo

?

Posted by bellachai , 10 September 2010 · 30 views

Please forgive any typing errors. I just returned from my mother's birthday gift to me; an eye appointment and my eyes are still slightly dialated. Even with all the drugs I take that can affect my eyesight, my eyes are healthy. I am a wierdo though as I have one farsighted eye and one nearsighted eye. My nearsighted eye actually improved but my farsighted eye has worsened so no wonder I am unbalanced and a clutz. I told this doctor that my last set of contacts of two years ago were great for driving and long distance seeing but I had trouble reading and doing my collaging. Glasses for me is still not recommended as the glasses would be lop-sided, one side heavier than the other and I would probably get dizzy with vision I see around the glasses. So the solution is monovision. One contact for my farsighted eye. I have one in now and so far am unable to get it out so I am not glad so far.

Yahoo I finally got some Lyrica two days ago. So I have been sleeping alot the last two days in getting use to it again and I don't care because it is so nice to sleep for more than 3 hours at time due to pain waking me. Miracle drug for me. Still does not touch my arthriits pain in my neck but I won't complain. My neck does not bother me when laying down to sleep. So yahoo again!!!

My hearing for social security disability is coming up and have to meet with my advocate next week which means an hour drive there and an hour back. I am very anxious about the hearing. I have waited two years for this hearing. The Government I think delays it all for as long as they can in hopes you will give up persuing it. I wonder how many die or end their life during this waiting period? Something they of course don't want the general population to know I am sure. I don't feel bad about requesting help. I have been working since I was 15 so have 35 years of paying into social security and for 10 of those years I worked two jobs. So I am not some parasite living off the system. BUT if I am not approved I have no idea what I am going to do. Maybe what I planned to do two years ago something the government would want the general public to know about.

My daughter has turned into such a bitch lately. I am pretty sure that her new hormone implant for her PMDD is the culprit of most of this. Her moods are indeed swinging and get stuck on the bitch setting. I would like to discuss with her our situation regarding food and bills but I am not up to fighting. Both she and her boyfriend did not do what they were suppose to do in Jobforce program that gives them their food stamps so I am the only one who received any this month. How am I to feed them and myself on $117.00? I also have to add more money for gas for two trips to Grand Junction this month and I have to go. What is disappointing is that they had over a hundred dollars in their bank account and they chose to spend it on a dinner out, movies and games. It is so irresponsible of them and they are a waste of my time. Everyone pushes me to kick them out and logically I know this would be the right thing to do for me anyway. I have recently figured out while email conversations with a friend the reason I don't do this even though it is irrational thinking on my part. The actual process of kicking them out would be very ughly and I have never been good at doing ughly. I have always been the negotiator and miss fixit to my family and friends. To actually experience ughly at my instigation would lead to my feeling in the wrong, guilt, rejection and abandonment. I don't know if I am strong enough yet to go through that yet. I am liking the calm before a storm way too much.

I am so sad about my daughter. I feel her drifting away from me. I sometimes think she is repulsed by me now that I am ill. She spends so much time not in my presence. Her boyfriend spends more time with me nowadays. This is all hurting me and now I am crying so will stop. Ha Maybe my tears will help get this contact out of my eye.

Blessings to all.



there's that sense of humour i love. :) hope the tears did help get the contact out.

i'm really sorry your daughter has been so bitchy to you lately.

i doubt she is repulsed by you....she seems to just be so caught up with herself and her boyfriend and their life together and forget about you. not excusing her at all!

i'm just sorry she's making you so sad....and that kicking them out would trigger abandonment/rejection/guilt. that makes sense.

((((bellachai))))

there's that sense of humour i love. :) hope the tears did help get the contact out.

i'm really sorry your daughter has been so bitchy to you lately.

i doubt she is repulsed by you....she seems to just be so caught up with herself and her boyfriend and their life together and forget about you. not excusing her at all!

i'm just sorry she's making you so sad....and that kicking them out would trigger abandonment/rejection/guilt. that makes sense.

((((bellachai))))


I finally got the contact out but now my eye is very red and feels like I have gravel in it.

Well I finally got braver and mentioned to my daughter that it might be a good idea to see the doctor to check on her hormone implant cuz she seemed to be swinging widely with her moods. She said the shots mad her mood swings worse. I told her I did not see it that way. She told me I should ask Jake cuz he knows more about her. Then I suggested that maybe it woulds be a good idea to talk to a therapist. She laughed and said that is just great. I then said I just love her and want to help. She says she is very depressed and she already takes Lexipro. Depression is sometimes a secondary condition from hypothyroidism. I told I sometimes think she is repulsed by me nowadays. She said nothing and left the room. How nice huh? How soon people forget being in my position. Niki at her worst would not even leave her room. She was physically debilitated for five years. I took care of her and her brother alone, worked two jobs and never was I repulsed by her condition. So I really feel the rejection and it is a dark place.

Thank you Pink for caring. Can I adopt you?? I hope all is well with you. Bless you.
Photo
missophelia
Sep 10 2010 07:02 PM
((((bellachai))))

I'm so sorry your daughter is making you so sad, and that you are feeling the rejection from her. There is no excuse for anything she has done, or said. Or not said.

Have you tried eye drops? Maybe that would help your eye.

I'm really glad to hear you got your Lyrica. Hopefully some good sleep will help.

Please be gentle with yourself, and take good care. You deserve all of the best. :hug: :hug: :hug:

((((bellachai))))

I'm so sorry your daughter is making you so sad, and that you are feeling the rejection from her. There is no excuse for anything she has done, or said. Or not said.

Have you tried eye drops? Maybe that would help your eye.

I'm really glad to hear you got your Lyrica. Hopefully some good sleep will help.

Please be gentle with yourself, and take good care. You deserve all of the best. :hug: :hug: :hug:


You are so kind and sweet. Thank you for your reply and being my friend. I know you are having a difficult time as well and I am sorry about it. You, too deserve serenity and joy; the good life.

Yes I have eye drops thank goodness. My eye is better now that I got it out.

Many blessings to you and many :hug: :hug: :hug:
i'm so sorry that you made the big step of reaching out to niki and trying to talk to her and help her, and were met with rejection. i can't believe she is being so callous after you took such good care of her. as we both know, depression is no excuse.

hope the eye feels better soon. i'll pm you.
I am sorry your daughter is being like this. Sometimes when we reject others, we are rejecting things we do not like about ourselves. Maybe your condition right now reminds her of her own in the past, and she does not want to go there?

I hope your eye feels better.

I am sorry your daughter is being like this. Sometimes when we reject others, we are rejecting things we do not like about ourselves. Maybe your condition right now reminds her of her own in the past, and she does not want to go there?

I hope your eye feels better.


Thank you chelirach. My eyes indeed feel better.

I have to admit my daughters attitude and interactions with me are triggering me. Her world now revolves around her boyfriend and no one else. It hurts me and I need to learn to let it and her go. It is such a confusing situation.

I hope all is well with you. Blessings
Photo
Untangling-It-All
Sep 11 2010 09:57 AM
I am so sorry your daughter is hurting you so much right now. I hope that soon you'll feel strong enough to ask them to leave. They need to learn the hard way that you don't blow your money when you need every single penny for food and a roof over your head. They will only learn this if they are in a place of their own with no one else to mooch off. They are mooching and it sounds like her boyfriend is influencing her very much in this way.

Take care

I am so sorry your daughter is hurting you so much right now. I hope that soon you'll feel strong enough to ask them to leave. They need to learn the hard way that you don't blow your money when you need every single penny for food and a roof over your head. They will only learn this if they are in a place of their own with no one else to mooch off. They are mooching and it sounds like her boyfriend is influencing her very much in this way.

Take care

Thank you for replying. I know my daughter is also hurting and blind to the influences from her boyfriend. There is nothing I can do or say to make her see. She has to learn herself and I wish it was not at my expense but I blame myself as I have not asked or told them leave. I do make suggestions though.

Blessings and take good care of you.

July 2015

S M T W T F S
   12 3 4
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031 

Recent Entries

Recent Comments

Categories

Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.