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I Love You blah blah blah

Posted by bellachai , 14 August 2010 · 23 views

My one day of unconditional love of those who say they love me is over.

I am feeling immature right now.

My son called me. That was a highlight of my birthday. He also sent me a card that is beautiful. I know logically I should focus on this positive loving gestures and the kindness of all of you but.... I am slipping.

My daughter and her boyfriend live with me. No card. No birthday dinner or cake. They did nothing nice for me just wished me a happy birthday and they were sorry they could not do anything for me and stayed in their room and left me alone. I watch the second season of the newer version of the Outer Limits. Kind of appropriate considering I usually feel like I am from the outer limits. I fixed my own dinner and had ice cream by myself to celebrate the day of my birth.

When I got up this morning my daughter and her boyfriend were in the living room playing games in a pig stye. They went to the store so I washed dishes, picked up some, emptied cat litter which my daughter said she would help me with and did not. I vaccuumed some. All worn out now. I hate my limitations.

My mother called to say sorry that we did not get to be together on my birthday. I cancelled our lunch because I am processing my feelings regarding her and the abuse she allowed and did herself and quite frankly I did not want to celebrate her bringing me into this world. Anyway the love of being my birthday is over so soon. She wanted to know what I was going to do about the leaking cooler and why was a closet door outside and I need to do this and that and my house is falling down blah blah and blah. Gee what wonders I could do if I was able to work, had money and wasn't disabled. What use to take 30 minutes to do now takes me 4 hours to do. Oh and I so have so many to help me.

I am laughing in frustration so hard until the tears dry on my face. How sad is it that I have anonymous frends here that treat me far better than my own family. I don't think there is such a thing as unconditional love. The love bestowed on me in real life has always carried condidtions or maybe I am getting into my false beliefs. So confusing.

Regardless.......Blessing to all.



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missophelia
Aug 14 2010 05:50 PM
((((bellachai))))

That makes me so sad, :( to hear you spent your birthday alone like that. I'm so sorry.

It's horrible, that your daughter and her boyfriend don't help you, especially when you need the help. Shame on them, especially your daughter. I know how hard it is, to want help, to want to leave the mess until someone comes along and cleans it. And it is frustrating, and tiring, trying to clean behind people who show no regard.

I have that same problem with my husband.

And I think it shows courage, and healing, that you canceled your lunch with your mother.

I'm sorry all of this has left you confused. But for years I used to think the same way, and minimize my feelings. No one here walks in your shoes, so to speak. You are in your life, and I think from everything you've written since you've been here, your feelings, and perspective, are valid.

Don't doubt yourself. Stay strong, and take gentle care of you. You are so worthy.

Blessings, and :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Untangling-It-All
Aug 14 2010 06:12 PM
Happy birthday bellachai

I am sorry you feel so unloved and uncared for. Maybe you should talk to your daughter how much this hurts you? When you are able to and only if you feel up for it.
Hi Bellachai,

I agree with missophelia...the fact that you canceled your lunch with your mother shows tremendous courage and demonstrates your ability to understand your own needs. It took me a long time to put my needs first...I still work on that.

I can completely relate to feeling so alone even in your own family. Unfortunately, not everyone has a deeper understanding of the impact of their actions. It's normal for all of us to be a little selfish now and then. However, some people just don't get it...at all. My mother is still married to my stepfather (the abuser). I think it's too painful for her to understand the impact that she's had on her children. At least, that's what I like to think as the alternative is that she doesn't think the impact was bad.

You know what, bellachai, you recognize your own needs and understand that others responses/actions aren't right. That's half the battle!

lots of love,
elocin03
:( you deserve better.

((((hug))))

*cake with sparklers and sparkling wine if you're allowed it* this is your pandy's birthday party.
Bellla

I'm soooo sorry! That was awful! I'm sending warm thoughts and lots of hugs.

BluesBlues

((((bellachai))))

That makes me so sad, :( to hear you spent your birthday alone like that. I'm so sorry.

It's horrible, that your daughter and her boyfriend don't help you, especially when you need the help. Shame on them, especially your daughter. I know how hard it is, to want help, to want to leave the mess until someone comes along and cleans it. And it is frustrating, and tiring, trying to clean behind people who show no regard.

I have that same problem with my husband.

And I think it shows courage, and healing, that you canceled your lunch with your mother.

I'm sorry all of this has left you confused. But for years I used to think the same way, and minimize my feelings. No one here walks in your shoes, so to speak. You are in your life, and I think from everything you've written since you've been here, your feelings, and perspective, are valid.

Don't doubt yourself. Stay strong, and take gentle care of you. You are so worthy.

Blessings, and :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:


Thank you my sweet friend for your understanding and kindness. Blessings :hug: :hug: :hug:

Happy birthday bellachai

I am sorry you feel so unloved and uncared for. Maybe you should talk to your daughter how much this hurts you? When you are able to and only if you feel up for it.


Yeah I have tried several different tactics short of throwing them both out on their asses I need them to help me more and it has gotten me nowhere. I am not in a place emotionally to set stronger boundries Yet!!

My daughter's boyfriend's bithday was in the second week of June. He received a card and cake as well as fixing him his favorite meal without his asking. So............???

Thank you for your reply and I am hoping you are doing well. Blessings

Hi Bellachai,

I agree with missophelia...the fact that you canceled your lunch with your mother shows tremendous courage and demonstrates your ability to understand your own needs. It took me a long time to put my needs first...I still work on that.

I can completely relate to feeling so alone even in your own family. Unfortunately, not everyone has a deeper understanding of the impact of their actions. It's normal for all of us to be a little selfish now and then. However, some people just don't get it...at all. My mother is still married to my stepfather (the abuser). I think it's too painful for her to understand the impact that she's had on her children. At least, that's what I like to think as the alternative is that she doesn't think the impact was bad.

You know what, bellachai, you recognize your own needs and understand that others responses/actions aren't right. That's half the battle!

lots of love,
elocin03

Unfortunately I have always put my needs last and that is a big reason I am now disabled and had a breakdown. I was Miss Fixit and the referee for all those I have cared for.

I don't know about your mother but that is painful to have to be around the abuser just to see your mom. As a mother myself I cannot imagine living with man who is abusive to my children. My mother is motivated in serving herself laced with giving based on conditions. Very selfish.

Blessings to you and a safe :hug:

:( you deserve better.

((((hug))))

*cake with sparklers and sparkling wine if you're allowed it* this is your pandy's birthday party.

Will you join me? When is your birthday; is it soon? I would like to return the favor and help you celebrate the day the earth was blessed with you on it. Blessings :hug:

Bellla

I'm soooo sorry! That was awful! I'm sending warm thoughts and lots of hugs.

BluesBlues

Thank you so much. Blessings :hug: :hug: :hug:
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stealing_wonderland
Aug 15 2010 10:45 AM
Your daughter and her boy-friend sounds so egocentric.... Posted Image I'm sorry they left you so alone on your birth-day.

On the other hand, it's really courageous of you to cancel lunch with your mum. She hasn't done any-thing to support or help you, and couldn't even wait another day before starting to nag about every-thing that needed to be fixed and done around the house. Frankly, why *would* you want to have lunch with her ?...

Well, despite the ho-hum birth-day, I truly hope the year ahead will be far better and that you'll have a huge celebration party next birth-day !

Take care.

Your daughter and her boy-friend sounds so egocentric.... Posted Image I'm sorry they left you so alone on your birth-day.

On the other hand, it's really courageous of you to cancel lunch with your mum. She hasn't done any-thing to support or help you, and couldn't even wait another day before starting to nag about every-thing that needed to be fixed and done around the house. Frankly, why *would* you want to have lunch with her ?...

Well, despite the ho-hum birth-day, I truly hope the year ahead will be far better and that you'll have a huge celebration party next birth-day !

Take care.


Thank you stealing wonderland for your kind reply. I could write a book about my daughter and her boyfriend but I think I will pass on that.

It was the first year in many that I did not spend my birthday with my mother. I don't know how courageous I was. I know she is germaphobic so I just told her my throat was sore which was and still is true but I know it is allergy related therefore not contageous. So she backed out on the lunch date as I knew she would and I am glad cuz I would rather be alone on my birthday than spend it with her. After all I was an accident at conception.

I truly hope for a better year not just for me but for you as well. Smooth sailing from here on out.

Take good care of you and many blessings

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