I Love You blah blah blah
I am feeling immature right now.
My son called me. That was a highlight of my birthday. He also sent me a card that is beautiful. I know logically I should focus on this positive loving gestures and the kindness of all of you but.... I am slipping.
My daughter and her boyfriend live with me. No card. No birthday dinner or cake. They did nothing nice for me just wished me a happy birthday and they were sorry they could not do anything for me and stayed in their room and left me alone. I watch the second season of the newer version of the Outer Limits. Kind of appropriate considering I usually feel like I am from the outer limits. I fixed my own dinner and had ice cream by myself to celebrate the day of my birth.
When I got up this morning my daughter and her boyfriend were in the living room playing games in a pig stye. They went to the store so I washed dishes, picked up some, emptied cat litter which my daughter said she would help me with and did not. I vaccuumed some. All worn out now. I hate my limitations.
My mother called to say sorry that we did not get to be together on my birthday. I cancelled our lunch because I am processing my feelings regarding her and the abuse she allowed and did herself and quite frankly I did not want to celebrate her bringing me into this world. Anyway the love of being my birthday is over so soon. She wanted to know what I was going to do about the leaking cooler and why was a closet door outside and I need to do this and that and my house is falling down blah blah and blah. Gee what wonders I could do if I was able to work, had money and wasn't disabled. What use to take 30 minutes to do now takes me 4 hours to do. Oh and I so have so many to help me.
I am laughing in frustration so hard until the tears dry on my face. How sad is it that I have anonymous frends here that treat me far better than my own family. I don't think there is such a thing as unconditional love. The love bestowed on me in real life has always carried condidtions or maybe I am getting into my false beliefs. So confusing.
Regardless.......Blessing to all.