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Mature depression?

Posted by bellachai , 11 August 2010 · 9 views

Tomorrow my daughter (my baby) will be 21 years old. She was my 31st birthday present a day early. I have always said she was the best present I ever got. Truly blessed with my son and daughter. To me they were worth every sacrifice and hardship I endured. They gave me so much laughter, joy, love and interesting years
I am a little sad my daughter is not young anymore like when she would get in my lap after being so busy and she would jabber at me as I rocked us in my chair until she fell asleep. I would hold her and look upon her beautiful face. I miss my son terribly.

Today however much I love my daughter I am not liking her behavior much. Her boyfriend has been in jail for 10 days now for missing traffic court three times. He is suppose to get released tomorrow on her birthday. Nice birthday present for her. She has gone twice to visit him. Each visit is confined to 15 minutes. She gave him money to purchase a calling card so he could call her on the phone from the jail. He has not called once. She has pretty much stayed in her room all this time moping. She comes out occationally to visit with me mostly to talk about how much she misses her boyfriend. Has cried occationally. Tonight she has been a bitch. She is now angry so she is short with a mean tongue slamming things down and shutting doors loudly. Not very mature for a 21 year old. I was waiting to see if she was going to stamp her foot and proceed to a temper tantrum. :gaah:

Personally I am glad he is not here as it is quieter and I haven't had to have many conversations as I work through my own immaturity in dealing with my therapy and this phase of depression I am going through. I have been in my cave alone and I have been liking it that way.

I was up all last night. I had a stomach problem. I had an appointment for therapy today. I cancelled it. I am still harboring some animosity towards my therapist for pushing me emotionally. My first impulse is to push her away now and say nothing since I feel like I don't what for sure. Anger of course but I am not sure what for or even if it is at her. It is like an electric current under the skin at low voltage and fearing I will be zapped into horrifying pain at any moment.

I hope I sleep tonight.

Blessing to all :daisy:

September 2014

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