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I am the answer haha!

Posted by bellachai , 04 August 2010 · 17 views

I have returned from therapy. I am now a little angry and more depressed. Is that therapy?

I told her about my hearing date for disabiliy, the one thing I do have to look forward to in getting better. Sad; health and quality of life depends so much on money and it doesn't matter that you worked faithfully and hard for over 35 years. Whatever. My T told me not to get my hopes up as she has had a few clients that really are not able to function in the outside world and they were denied disability. I don't know what I will do if I do not get disability. This is distressing for me to think I waited two years only to maybe get denied.

Then I felt some anger as she was telling me what to do about my lethargic mind set lately. I don't like being 'told' what to do. Suggesting is fine. Or maybe I was just angry because I knew what she said was the truth which is I have to actually work at and be in pain to lessen the depression. I have to force myself to do something whether I want to or not. I am to picture in my head what I would like my life to be like then take steps toward that a little at a time but I would have to force myself to do it.

We also talked about how I feel guilty about everything. So now I have a rubberband as a bracelet on left wrist. I think that if I do as I am told like some child and snap this here new bracelet everytime I feel guilt (like now for instance) by the end of the week I will no longer have a left hand.

My T also mentioned that my sense of humor has been missing for awhile. Not so I just keep on forgetting to bring it to therapy.

She tells me to just do it and that the answers I seek is ME. I am my own answer. I am my own answer??? What are the questions??

I don't know if therapy helped my today. I actually feel worse. :(

Blessings to all



Sometimes you do feel worse after therapy. That can be normal. but it does sound like you were not connecting in general. Can you talk about this wih her next time?
I wish I could counsel you on the disability matter but I would not let your therapist words discourage you. All I know is there is someone I am familiar with who is on disability because of the trauma alone.

Sometimes you do feel worse after therapy. That can be normal. but it does sound like you were not connecting in general. Can you talk about this wih her next time?


I don't think I am connecting well with anyone lately. I really do not know what my deal is. I hope it passes soon or I figure it out whichever comes first. I have been with this therapist for 2 years and I have never left feeling like I did yesterday. Perhaps she thought she needed to push me some because my recovery is not going fast enough or something. I just don't know. Thank you for your reply. Blessings

I wish I could counsel you on the disability matter but I would not let your therapist words discourage you. All I know is there is someone I am familiar with who is on disability because of the trauma alone.


Thank you for your reply Zelda. I am trying to be patient but cannot help but be a little afraid cuz I do not know what I will do it I am turned down. So I guess whatever...... Blessings

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