I am the answer haha!
I told her about my hearing date for disabiliy, the one thing I do have to look forward to in getting better. Sad; health and quality of life depends so much on money and it doesn't matter that you worked faithfully and hard for over 35 years. Whatever. My T told me not to get my hopes up as she has had a few clients that really are not able to function in the outside world and they were denied disability. I don't know what I will do if I do not get disability. This is distressing for me to think I waited two years only to maybe get denied.
Then I felt some anger as she was telling me what to do about my lethargic mind set lately. I don't like being 'told' what to do. Suggesting is fine. Or maybe I was just angry because I knew what she said was the truth which is I have to actually work at and be in pain to lessen the depression. I have to force myself to do something whether I want to or not. I am to picture in my head what I would like my life to be like then take steps toward that a little at a time but I would have to force myself to do it.
We also talked about how I feel guilty about everything. So now I have a rubberband as a bracelet on left wrist. I think that if I do as I am told like some child and snap this here new bracelet everytime I feel guilt (like now for instance) by the end of the week I will no longer have a left hand.
My T also mentioned that my sense of humor has been missing for awhile. Not so I just keep on forgetting to bring it to therapy.
She tells me to just do it and that the answers I seek is ME. I am my own answer. I am my own answer??? What are the questions??
I don't know if therapy helped my today. I actually feel worse. :(
Blessings to all