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Musical chairs

Posted by bellachai , 01 August 2010 · 67 views

Ever play this game as a child? I had a flashback of playing this game and I did not like it and I never won. This is how I am viewing my life. Wandering around in circles while there is awful music playing and when it stops I feel relief and try to sit and rest awhile but there is no chair for me everytime and everyone is laughing because once again I lost. I feel as if I have lost everything.

I sacrificed everything for all those I love or loved. And I now have to ask what for? I have been beaten, raped, molested, cheated on, betrayed, abandoned, lied to and stolen from. What is there left of me. Sometimes when I am this depressed I think I should get a bunch of jars and label each one with the name of people I trusted and loved then cut my wrists and let the blood run into each jar. Would they then get the message? Would they then understand? Would they then feel the guilt I have felt for years for being so stupid in wasting my time, energy, money and love on them? Would they be sorry? Would they care and help? There is that saying that you get as good as you give. Well............????? It is not true at this moment in my life.

I feel alone even though I am not alone. I feel unloved and unwanted for the burden I seem to be for those who are suppose to care about and to me they just seem indifferent. Every step I make in recovery I feel the chair being pulled out from underneath me and I land on my ass while everyone laughs. God how I hated that game. It seemd cruel. I hate all jokes that hurt someone.

Yeah feel as if the joke is on me for surviving and living. What did I do wrong that my life is nothing.

Blessings



you life is not nothing, life is worth living, I know it is.

you life is not nothing, life is worth living, I know it is.

Perhaps but it seems so damn painful sometimes. Thanks for your support. I appreciate you. Blessings
I know the pain of it, you are not alone.

I know the pain of it, you are not alone.


Well I would not wish this pain on anybody. Oh wait yes I would: those who abuse people.

Blessings
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MaybeJoleisa
Aug 01 2010 07:36 PM
bella, I know what you mean, about that feeling of musical chairs.... No advice, but I am with you. :hug: :hug: :hug: if ok

bella, I know what you mean, about that feeling of musical chairs.... No advice, but I am with you. :hug: :hug: :hug: if ok

Thank you. Save hugs are always welcome. Blessings to you.

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