I sacrificed everything for all those I love or loved. And I now have to ask what for? I have been beaten, raped, molested, cheated on, betrayed, abandoned, lied to and stolen from. What is there left of me. Sometimes when I am this depressed I think I should get a bunch of jars and label each one with the name of people I trusted and loved then cut my wrists and let the blood run into each jar. Would they then get the message? Would they then understand? Would they then feel the guilt I have felt for years for being so stupid in wasting my time, energy, money and love on them? Would they be sorry? Would they care and help? There is that saying that you get as good as you give. Well............????? It is not true at this moment in my life.
I feel alone even though I am not alone. I feel unloved and unwanted for the burden I seem to be for those who are suppose to care about and to me they just seem indifferent. Every step I make in recovery I feel the chair being pulled out from underneath me and I land on my ass while everyone laughs. God how I hated that game. It seemd cruel. I hate all jokes that hurt someone.
Yeah feel as if the joke is on me for surviving and living. What did I do wrong that my life is nothing.