Jump to content






Photo

Round and Round

Posted by bellachai , 20 July 2010 · 17 views

I have been attempted to blog since 3 am this morning. I am having difficulty I think because I have too much going through me head and I feel confused with so many questions and very few answers. It just goes round and round at then stops randomly like music only music most of the time is pleasant.

Here is a sample:

My daughter and her boyfriend have been watching 'Jackass' on video. They think it is all funny. Only one or two things are funny to me compared to their laughing all through. I find most of it wasteful and disgusting. One episode they had this woman suck on this guys infected toe and a few vomited and it was all in colorful detail filmed. Another episode an Uncle pushed the nephew's hummer over a cliff. I was thinking that they should have given it to me. I would have sold it and I could have lived off of the money probably for a year. I do not get such destructive behavior? It saddens me that money can buy tolerance to unacceptable destructive behavior.

I think of that phrase "You get as good as you give". Well I am not seeing it; not for me or anyone else for that matter. I do not get it??????

Lately when I speak to my daughter it feels as if she is disinterested and does not take me seriously. It hurts me as well as angers me but then maybe I am imagining it. Perhaps people close get sick of you being sick whether it is physically, emotionally or mentally. I get sick of myself often but I do take myself seriously and what I say as interesting. Better just talk to myself.

I often spend more time with my daughters boyfriend than I do her. She goes to her room and I actually like it when both of them are in there like now cuz I can focus on whatever I am doing. He talks alot and asks lots of questions interupting continually. My daughter is able to entertain herself where is not able. My son is kind of like that. If no one is talking they fill the void. I do so miss the days when my daughter and I would sit in silence together with occational conversations. She would read and I would collage. I would come across something interesting in a magazine I was cutting up and tell her or show her a picture or she would tell me about the book she was reading or something just popped in head but some evenings we would sit together in quiet for hours and it felt comforting and cozy.

And there is so much more round and round they go.........



I am really glad you were able to finally post and wanting you to know I am listening. Keep writing if you can. I am sorry your daughter seems far away now, I think these things go cycles and she will come back and you will be there waiting for her.

I am really glad you were able to finally post and wanting you to know I am listening. Keep writing if you can. I am sorry your daughter seems far away now, I think these things go cycles and she will come back and you will be there waiting for her.


Thank you Zelda and I want you to know I am listening to you as well.
I get the same way, where I feel like I have so much to say, so much running through my head, and I don't even know how to get it out or how to stop the thoughts long enough to focus and write.

I think you did a good job of expressing what you are feeling, though, and I'm glad you were able to write.

I am also sorry your daughter has not been supportive lately and I hope you are able to keep reaching out on here for support.

I get the same way, where I feel like I have so much to say, so much running through my head, and I don't even know how to get it out or how to stop the thoughts long enough to focus and write.

I think you did a good job of expressing what you are feeling, though, and I'm glad you were able to write.

I am also sorry your daughter has not been supportive lately and I hope you are able to keep reaching out on here for support.


Thank you rebekkah for your very kind response. I sometime think I will drive myself insane from too many thoughts. It is like talking to yourself flitting from one subject to another then back to one that then reminds yourself of something else so off i go to that thought. It seems like it is not going in any direction, with no purpose and definetly no solutions. It should not surprise me since when I am nervous I speak like that as well LOL.

I think, write and speak in detail. I have not decided if this an asset or liability. By doing so they take longer. I should take a class in being brief. Sorry I am rambling now.

Anyway again thank you and many blessings to you.

September 2014

S M T W T F S
 123456
78910111213
141516171819 20
21222324252627
282930    

Recent Entries

Recent Comments

Categories

Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.