I have also learned through the mental health center that a good majority of woman around my age with childhood abuse also experience some kind of abuse as an adult end up either exploding or imploding. It is so draining and exhausting in posing attitudes to be the perfect everything; daughter, wife, mother, career, friend, housekeeper, and human being. If you are perfect in pleasing everyone then you never get hurt, abandoned, rejected or abused. If you are perfect at everything then everyone will like you, you will be loved unconditionally and admired. Living a false life with these kind of false beliefs wears down your body, mind and spirit to the point of exploding and in my case imploding. It takes a very strong person to survive abuse and then live like this. It takes an enormous amount of strength to live a false life. Fear, shame, guilt, pain and the aloneness were my teachers to life this way. It is so sad to me that it did not work for me and has left me feeling like now I do not have an identity. Who am I really???
Blessings to all