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Attitudinize

Posted by bellachai , 18 July 2010 · 47 views

Yes attitudinize is a real word. I ran across it and looked it up. It means to pose an attitude. I know for a fact that I have spent my whole life attitudinizing myself to be what everyone else wanted me to be in order to feel liked, loved, appreciated and to protect myself from disapproval, being hurt.

I have also learned through the mental health center that a good majority of woman around my age with childhood abuse also experience some kind of abuse as an adult end up either exploding or imploding. It is so draining and exhausting in posing attitudes to be the perfect everything; daughter, wife, mother, career, friend, housekeeper, and human being. If you are perfect in pleasing everyone then you never get hurt, abandoned, rejected or abused. If you are perfect at everything then everyone will like you, you will be loved unconditionally and admired. Living a false life with these kind of false beliefs wears down your body, mind and spirit to the point of exploding and in my case imploding. It takes a very strong person to survive abuse and then live like this. It takes an enormous amount of strength to live a false life. Fear, shame, guilt, pain and the aloneness were my teachers to life this way. It is so sad to me that it did not work for me and has left me feeling like now I do not have an identity. Who am I really???

Blessings to all



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missophelia
Jul 18 2010 05:54 PM
How true is every word you've written. And how I can identify!!

With me, it was exploding, namely from rage. And it's taken years for me to get where I am now, and I know I have quite a way to go.

I think in healing, you change, you become a new you. I think you will find that you do have an identity. As you heal, you will become stronger, and your identity will shine through little by little. And like me, you may need to reacquaint yourself with who you are.

But I know that you're in there, and eventually you will know who you are. And I think you will find that you are a wonderful, strong, beautiful person. :)

Blessings to you, too.

How true is every word you've written. And how I can identify!!

With me, it was exploding, namely from rage. And it's taken years for me to get where I am now, and I know I have quite a way to go.

I think in healing, you change, you become a new you. I think you will find that you do have an identity. As you heal, you will become stronger, and your identity will shine through little by little. And like me, you may need to reacquaint yourself with who you are.

But I know that you're in there, and eventually you will know who you are. And I think you will find that you are a wonderful, strong, beautiful person. :)

Blessings to you, too.


Thank you for your confidence in me. I also feel rage but I turn in inward and at myself cuz down deep I feel I am to blame for the failures of my life and the way I think. When I learn to quit feeling guilty for everything then perhaps my anger will be directed in the proper place and in a constructive way instead of destructure of who I am. I have so far to go and at my age it is overwehlming to unlearn all the false beliefs I have carried around as a shield. I am beginning to feel like a turtle without it's shell.

Blessings and :hug: :hug: :hug:
I can relate to this, I am an imploder for sure. It is hard to construct a sense of who you are, and carry that, when you cannot even trust it as true. I find I cannot trust myself so how can I trust others? I trust that we can find ourselves though, and be authentically who we are, I do believe this.

I can relate to this, I am an imploder for sure. It is hard to construct a sense of who you are, and carry that, when you cannot even trust it as true. I find I cannot trust myself so how can I trust others? I trust that we can find ourselves though, and be authentically who we are, I do believe this.


Yes I know what you mean. I have a hard time now trusting others and I know it is because I do not trust myself How can you trust yourself when you do not even know who you truly are. I hope you are correct that we can at least trust that we will find ourselves. It feels like empty space to me right now.

Blessings

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