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And P.S. I Love you

Posted by bellachai , 09 April 2010 · 29 views

My mother got to go home tonight from the hospital so I did not get much rest.

My daughter drove my 4runner out to their place and waited for me to drive mom home in her care. I am patiently waiting for her to get everything together and get dressed to leave and she takes this opportunity to further her wierdness since being in the hospital.

She just wants me to know that she is not trying to tell me what to do and she is not judging me in any way she just wishes I would do what she knows will be good for me cuz she loves me so much.

I have to say that is a first. I always have to say the 'love' word first in my family to get a return response. For her to say this first kind of blows me away.

What does that mean to her anyway after this very afternoon she tells me for the first time that she physically abused my sister when she was a baby and todler. My sister does not know this. OMG what other secrets are there.

I am wondering if every person defines loving someone way different than I define it. I am totally freaked out.



I read this recently and I think you might benefit from reading it, too. I'm sorry your mom is the way she is. I know how much it hurts and how confusing and invalidating it feels time and time again. You are heard here.

http://pandys.org/fo...howtopic=137562

I read this recently and I think you might benefit from reading it, too. I'm sorry your mom is the way she is. I know how much it hurts and how confusing and invalidating it feels time and time again. You are heard here.

http://pandys.org/fo...howtopic=137562


Thank you Garmarna for your response and the article to read. It was very helpful. You know it was a real revelation late last year at my age to really realize that my mother was not a good mother. I did not view her as a bad mother or no mother. She says she did not know about the sexual abuse by my evil stepfather but she had to know about the physical abuse at very least and did nothing to stop it for years. Now she confesses that she physically abuse my sister when we were babies is devastating to me. I am hoping that my therapist will be able to help me process this new information.

Thank you again for caring and offering support. Take care of yourself.
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missophelia
Apr 10 2010 09:44 AM
I hope that your therapist can help you process everything from that conversation.

I think maybe there are differing definitions of love, and someone's view on it could have to do with their upbringing or relationships they've been in. I think your mother's definition is way different than yours. And maybe the way she was when you were little shaped your view on love. Maybe the way she was made you vow to never be like her. You are a very loving and caring person.

I'm sure hearing I love you from your mother must be so hard for you. Considering you did not get the love you needed from her growing up. And I'm sorry to hear that she told you about the abuse to your sister. I don't blame you for wondering what other secrets there are.

I'm sorry I can't say anything to stop you from being freaked out, but just know I'm sorry that you are.

peace to you :hug: :hug: :hug:

I hope that your therapist can help you process everything from that conversation.

I think maybe there are differing definitions of love, and someone's view on it could have to do with their upbringing or relationships they've been in. I think your mother's definition is way different than yours. And maybe the way she was when you were little shaped your view on love. Maybe the way she was made you vow to never be like her. You are a very loving and caring person.

I'm sure hearing I love you from your mother must be so hard for you. Considering you did not get the love you needed from her growing up. And I'm sorry to hear that she told you about the abuse to your sister. I don't blame you for wondering what other secrets there are.

I'm sorry I can't say anything to stop you from being freaked out, but just know I'm sorry that you are.

peace to you :hug: :hug: :hug:


The support and caring concern and your responses to me help me so much. I get teary to realize what a wonderful friend I have found in you missophelia. I have been blessed to have found Pandy's and you. Thank you.

My daughter told me last night that she has wondered for so long if perhaps I am adopted and do not really belong to my family as I am so unlike all of them. That was a wonderful validation for me. I never wanted or want to be like any of them meaning mostly my mother and sister. Perhaps I can take comfort in that somehow but I am sad for them. I at least do not have to live with abusing others or harming my children or anyone else for that matter. Most of my adult life I have been my own worst enemy. I truly would rather harm myself than another.

I am still freaked out but I am so relieved that I do not have to have contact with her for a few days. :elefant:

Thank you and you take good care of yourself. :hug: :hug: :hug:
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silentwords
Apr 10 2010 11:24 PM
I am certain that this is most difficult to hear. There are a million things that could be said here, but I feel that the best thing to say would be that I am very glad that I have you as a friend here on pandys, and hope that you know you can talk to me about this stuff if you ever need to. Take all the time you need to process everything. Safe hugs

I am certain that this is most difficult to hear. There are a million things that could be said here, but I feel that the best thing to say would be that I am very glad that I have you as a friend here on pandys, and hope that you know you can talk to me about this stuff if you ever need to. Take all the time you need to process everything. Safe hugs


More like shocking. Thank you Silent. I am glad you are here at Pandys as well. You are special to me. I will be talking to you soon. You take care of yourself. :hug: :hug: :hug:

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