Jump to content






Photo

Too Much Not Enough

Posted by bellachai , 07 April 2010 · 40 views

I visited my mother in the hospital this morning prior to seeing my T. I took her the things she asked for from home. Our doctor was just leaving when I arrived. The lab people were there putting in another IV line in her other arm because the line they had in was turning red up her arm. Mom did not have a good night and only slept for an hour or so cuz they finally gave her some medication for the pain she has in her eye, Tynenol with codiene but the codiene upset her stomach. Our doctor prescribed her percocette instead and I told mom she had that after gall bladder surgery and tolerated that well so that would probably do the trick. The results of her MRI are not back yet probably later today.

Mom and I engaged some banter regarding my health as our doctor told her some things I had not. I wasn't happy my doctor told her about my own health yet she tells me stuff about my parents as mom hides some things too. She said I was keeping things from her and I replied not really, she has alot to deal with dad and now herself and I did not want them worrying about me too. I told it wasn't like I was going to drop dead tomorrow. She replied she certainly hoped not cuz she still needs me. How nice!!??!! Her use of words are often fruedian. It would have been better had she used the the words 'she still wants me around. Whatever I am glad at least I am needed which is better than worthless.

I am glad I had therapy today to help cope with this added stress and my depressions. Too many emotions and not enough healing. She helped me to see that all I am feeling is normal. My sewer of emotions has to flow out and get cleaned for me to heal. Some of these emotions are core emotions that I had stuffed way down there. She asked me what was I afraid of in letting them out. I am afraid they will be too much and too overwhelming and what if the rage I know is there becomes violent. She then asked me if I had ever been violent? No then we both laughed cuz I am such a pacifist so I will not go on any murdeous rage. I also said what if it sends me where I was a year ago, being suicidal. She feels that I have come too far for me to regress back that much.

Here are my questions for today. Why does emotional pain hurt so much more than physical pain and why does it take forever to heal?

Fake Jake brought me lunch home. Fake Jake and my daughter have left for the town I was in yesterday. I am glad they are gone. I am listening to music then after I answer my email I am going to take a nap.

Blessings to all



Photo
missophelia
Apr 07 2010 01:56 PM
I think that the difference between emotional and physical pain is this. Our bodies are only a vessel for our souls, for our emotions, for our humanity.

When our bodies become ill, medicine is used to make them better. To me, medicine is soul-less, not emotional. For the most part, it is cut and dry, concrete. You take this, or you take that. You have this operation, or you have this other kind of cure. With medicine, our physical pain is taken away (hopefully), making our bodies better.

When our emotions are in pain, there is no one concrete thing that can make them better. The healing of our emotions has to go beyond surface stuff, beyond medicine. The healing has to go all the way to the core of who we are as human beings with souls and emotions. I think emotions can be very fragile, and when we are in emotional pain, it can crack that core of who we are.

And that is why emotional pain hurts so much more than physical pain. And that is why it takes so long to heal, because you have to go all the way to that core to repair that crack.

If that makes any sense.

I'm glad you're having some alone time. Enjoy it!

I understand your fear of letting your emotions out, especially rage. I'm always afraid that my emotions will overwhelm me. And I have a horrible problem with rage. I can be destructive, and my rage scares me. I lose all control when I rage.

I think you've come too far to fall back to being suicidal. You may stumble, we all do, but you are making progress. Over time you will progress farther and farther along in your healing, and the emotions that are now flowing will be easier for you to handle.

peace to you :hug: :hug: :hug:

I think that the difference between emotional and physical pain is this. Our bodies are only a vessel for our souls, for our emotions, for our humanity.

When our bodies become ill, medicine is used to make them better. To me, medicine is soul-less, not emotional. For the most part, it is cut and dry, concrete. You take this, or you take that. You have this operation, or you have this other kind of cure. With medicine, our physical pain is taken away (hopefully), making our bodies better.

When our emotions are in pain, there is no one concrete thing that can make them better. The healing of our emotions has to go beyond surface stuff, beyond medicine. The healing has to go all the way to the core of who we are as human beings with souls and emotions. I think emotions can be very fragile, and when we are in emotional pain, it can crack that core of who we are.

And that is why emotional pain hurts so much more than physical pain. And that is why it takes so long to heal, because you have to go all the way to that core to repair that crack.

If that makes any sense.

I'm glad you're having some alone time. Enjoy it!

I understand your fear of letting your emotions out, especially rage. I'm always afraid that my emotions will overwhelm me. And I have a horrible problem with rage. I can be destructive, and my rage scares me. I lose all control when I rage.

I think you've come too far to fall back to being suicidal. You may stumble, we all do, but you are making progress. Over time you will progress farther and farther along in your healing, and the emotions that are now flowing will be easier for you to handle.

peace to you :hug: :hug: :hug:


Yes what you say does make sense and I will take it a step farther. When your soul gets sick from the emotional pain it sends a warning to work on healing the emotional pain by making your body sick so you have to pay attention.

I am terrified to let my emotions out cuz what if it does not stop. Very confusing all of it.

Thank you for your kind, wise words. I am so grateful to have you as a friend. :hug: :hug: :hug:
Photo
missophelia
Apr 07 2010 10:33 PM
That makes sense. You're right, about the emotional pain making your body sick. That holds true for my stomach, and all of the problems I've had with it.

I sorry it has to be so confusing for you, about letting your emotions out. I know how hard it is. It's still confusing for me at times. But it does get better over time.

I'm glad to have you as a friend as well. :hug: :hug: :hug:
Photo
silentwords
Apr 10 2010 11:06 PM
I have to say that the part that you wrote about that you are a pacifist so you won't go into a murderous rage made me smile. It is also very sweet what your mom said :). I also understand that the word "wanted" would have been nice, but you're very right that needed is great too. :) I want you here :D
Photo
silentwords
Apr 10 2010 11:08 PM
By the way, on the subject of emotional pain I agree with what has already been posted. One can't just put a "band-aide" over an emotional wound and wait for time to make it better. It's just plain not that easy. :) (you will be receiving a lot of comments on ur blogs from me as I need to be updated on your life) hehe

That makes sense. You're right, about the emotional pain making your body sick. That holds true for my stomach, and all of the problems I've had with it.

I sorry it has to be so confusing for you, about letting your emotions out. I know how hard it is. It's still confusing for me at times. But it does get better over time.

I'm glad to have you as a friend as well. :hug: :hug: :hug:


I am sure that my mental and emotional issues that I was not paying attention to caused some of my physical ailments. My soul was probably giving me signs to take care of myself but I was determined to sacrifice and do what everyone thought I should be doing and I could not find the help I needed at that time. So I think my soul gave it's last warning with my breakdown. It is confusing and painful and frustrating.

Thank for your kindness always. :hug: :hug: :hug:

I have to say that the part that you wrote about that you are a pacifist so you won't go into a murderous rage made me smile. It is also very sweet what your mom said :). I also understand that the word "wanted" would have been nice, but you're very right that needed is great too. :) I want you here :D


You are so special to me Silent. Thank you for saying wanted instead of needed. I hope it is both really with you and visa versa. Haha :balloon:

:hug: :hug: :hug:

By the way, on the subject of emotional pain I agree with what has already been posted. One can't just put a "band-aide" over an emotional wound and wait for time to make it better. It's just plain not that easy. :) (you will be receiving a lot of comments on ur blogs from me as I need to be updated on your life) hehe


I could use a couple of large bandaides and also an update on you. Thank you for caring about me as I do you.
:hug: :hug: :hug:

April 2015

S M T W T F S
   1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
2627 28 2930  

Recent Entries

Recent Comments

Categories

Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.