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Blahhhhhhhhhh!

Posted by bellachai , 05 April 2010 · 30 views

Yes I still am on empty.

I am not thinking properly and this caused me to hurt a friend and I am so sorry for my stupidity. So I am not liking myself right now.

I forced myself to go to peer counseling. I did not want to go but I did anyway. The purpose to my having a peer counselor is to make sure I do not hibernate in my home. To get me out of my house. I do not know if it helps me or not. I do go out when it is needed like grocery shopping, to pay bills and sometimes I go to the Library to get old magazines for my collaging.

I think I may know why I feel so depressed and empty. I am standing on the cover of my own sewer. The place where I have stuffed all my negative emotions and they want out yet I am not letting them out and I am getting tired of being on the cover keeping them out because I do not want to feel all those emotions.

Blessings to all



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missophelia
Apr 05 2010 03:56 PM
bellachai my friend

I'm sorry you're struggling right now. I hope things get a little easier for you.

Sometimes I need many nudges to get me out of the house. The necessities get me out, but I know how difficult it is to get out otherwise. I commend you for going to your counseling, because I know how hard it must have been for you.

The cover coming off the sewer of your emotions, as you call it, is very overwhelming. I still find myself overwhelmed at times, and wish I could hide from those negative emotions. Please try to be gentle with yourself as those emotions leak out from under that cover.

I know how difficult that is, and that it will be, for you. I, too, would rather not feel any of those emotions, sometimes at any expense. And if you need to talk about them, I'm hear to listen.

Please, try to keep liking yourself. I know you're having a hard time, and I know you would never hurt anyone intentionally. You are a good person. I'm sure your friend will understand, in some way, that you did not mean to hurt her.

I can't say enough, please be gentle with yourself. You're worth it.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
Thank you for your response my dear friend.

I know I am afraid to let the negative emotions out. I have therapy and I am hoping she will help me sort it all out. I will just sit on the cover until then. Fear is not good.

My friend let me know she was not angry at me so that was a relief.

I have few friends so I treasure the ones I do have, like you missophelia.

Blessings to you and many hugs. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
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stealing_wonderland
Apr 05 2010 10:20 PM
Allowing yourself to feel those emotions is truly over-whelming. It's great that you are aware of where your feelings are coming from -- aware of the source -- so now, you have to work on ways to establish safety in order to get those feelings out and not get over-whelmed by them. Just take small, tiny steps. My therapist said the process of letting those feelings out could be as slow as dipping one toe in scalding hot bath-water in order to test the temperature. You certainly can't jump into that water without hurting yourself, so one toe is all you need to see if you'll be okay. Eventually, the heat will wear off and you'll be able to put your foot in the water, then your ankle, knee, etc. until you are sitting in the water, but not burning from the heat. It's the same deal with emotions. You have to take it slow because you have buried them for so long, and that's totally fine. Take your time, but keep working on it. Eventually, all of these emotions won't seem so scary anymore.

Take care of yourself.
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silentwords
Apr 06 2010 01:45 AM
Know that should your cover of emotions ever slip off, or should any emotions ever leak out, you are safe to share them and lean on us here. If I am thinking of the right friend you are talking about, that friend was never mad at you, so have no worries. It's scary allowing one's self to feel emotions, especially negative ones. Go slow, be kind to yourself, and always have a safety net of support. Know that I'm here if you ever need to talk. :) Take care of yourself, please. Many safe hugs.
I am sorry you are struggling so much, and I am glad your friend is not angry with you. I hope you are doing better today. I knowit can be hard and scary to feel all those emotions. Take care of yourself

Allowing yourself to feel those emotions is truly over-whelming. It's great that you are aware of where your feelings are coming from -- aware of the source -- so now, you have to work on ways to establish safety in order to get those feelings out and not get over-whelmed by them. Just take small, tiny steps. My therapist said the process of letting those feelings out could be as slow as dipping one toe in scalding hot bath-water in order to test the temperature. You certainly can't jump into that water without hurting yourself, so one toe is all you need to see if you'll be okay. Eventually, the heat will wear off and you'll be able to put your foot in the water, then your ankle, knee, etc. until you are sitting in the water, but not burning from the heat. It's the same deal with emotions. You have to take it slow because you have buried them for so long, and that's totally fine. Take your time, but keep working on it. Eventually, all of these emotions won't seem so scary anymore.

Take care of yourself.


Thank you stealing wonderland for your response. I like the analogy. Just a little bit at a time and I am trying that. Lots of breathing exercizes too. Take care of yourself.

Know that should your cover of emotions ever slip off, or should any emotions ever leak out, you are safe to share them and lean on us here. If I am thinking of the right friend you are talking about, that friend was never mad at you, so have no worries. It's scary allowing one's self to feel emotions, especially negative ones. Go slow, be kind to yourself, and always have a safety net of support. Know that I'm here if you ever need to talk. :) Take care of yourself, please. Many safe hugs.



Yes you know what friend I was talking about 0:) and I am feeling relief from that. I am trying to go slow with my emotions. Some have come out and I am not liking it but it is what it is. Thank you for your response and your caring reply. You take care of yourself. Many hugs to you. :hug: :hug: :hug:

I am sorry you are struggling so much, and I am glad your friend is not angry with you. I hope you are doing better today. I knowit can be hard and scary to feel all those emotions. Take care of yourself


Thank you chelirach for your kind and caring response. It helps and having friends helps too. I am struggling but I am still here. You take care of yourself.

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