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I Knew it! I Just Knew it!

Posted by bellachai , 29 March 2010 · 31 views

Got up this morning getting ready to do some house work and my daughter came out. She sat on the couch and was quiet. I asked her why she was up so early and was there something wrong? She replied she would tell me later. We were quiet for awhale and then she said okay she would tell me. Her boyfriend Fake Jake received a call this morning early stating he lost the job to go to North Dakota because of his driving record. He is her room pouting, crying, saying he is a failure and unhappy. Poor Fake Jake. I just knew it. It was too good to be true that he would be out of my house this week. I am so angry but at myself. I had my breakdown just a year and half ago and was suicidal. I am just now climbing out of the hole where I just do not want exist and I am not quite strong enough yet to set these kind of boundries of kicking his lazy ass out of my home as it will hurt my daughter and she will then be emotionally distant if not physically distant from until she really sees what a waste of time he is and that he has abusive tendencies. Telling her he is liat does not work. This is terrible and I do not know yet what I am going to do about it.

On the otherhand yesterday my daughter's father called her and asked her a bunch of questions about are her and Fake Jake helping me out. Are they at least cleaning up my yard especially the chunk of tree that fell in a snow storm. She told him that we do not have even pruning clippers. When I heard her say that thinking why is she lying cuz we do have a large pruning tool. It use to be in the storage shed. But I said nothing cuz the conversation was really none of my business. But miracles happen and she and Fake Jake actually spent an hour outside clipping and moving wood and it looks nicer out there. Interesting.

I was cheered up today though. I did get some house work done. My daughter finally got her paycheck a week late which is also a blessing as cat were out of food and us too. Friends of mine came over and I was so happy to see them. My daughter and Fake Jake left then returned a short time later as my daughter bought us lunch. I have not had take out junk food forever so it was a really nice treat. Then she and Fake Jake left again to do what I have no idea. Just glad Fake Jake is gone as he was walking around here all in a sad puppy dog face. I believe he is secretly happy he does not have to work but puts on this front of 'poor little ole me'. I am out of compassion for him. I have no problem helping those who help themselves. He does nothing. For the last two months he has not put in his required volunteer work for his portion of food stamps so he is eating off mine and my daughters. He smokes my cigarettes. So I run out of both and have to do without. I have had enough and I want him gone. My daughter buys into his outrageous lies and I do not anymore.

You know what I am weak and pathetic. I know what needs to be done yet I do not have the courage to do it.

Blessings to all who read this ranting and raving



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missophelia
Mar 29 2010 07:07 PM
bellachai, my friend

You are neither weak, nor pathetic. You don't lack courage. You are having a difficult time right now. You are working your way out of a really bad time in your life, and you need supportive people around you. Not those who are sucking the energy and life from you, like Fake Jake.

I'm so sorry you're in the predicament you are. For him to be eating off your food stamps, and smoking your cigarettes when he does not pull his weight? To me that is unacceptable. He should be ashamed of himself. Really. I mean, what kind of person, let alone man, does he think he is. He isn't a man. Far from it.

You should rant and rave. You are angry, which you have every right to be. I'm sorry I can't do anything to help you, and I wish I could say something to make everything better for you.

I am glad friends of yours came to visit. You probably needed to spend some time with them, and I'm really glad you were cheered up.

Please, just don't give up on yourself. Even though you haven't figured out what to do about Fake Jake, and I know how horribly frustrating it is, I hope you know how much you deserve happiness and peace.

I know you are strong, and have courage inside of you. You are a survivor, and hard as it may be, you will be able to do what you need to for your own peace of mind.

take gentle care my friend :hug: :hug: :hug:
I just wanted to second that you are not weak or pathetic at all
Thank you both for saying it. Perhaps I am just tired today. My outlook may be better tomorrow after a good sleep. Blessings
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silentwords
Mar 31 2010 02:00 AM
You most certainly are not weak or pathetic! Reading more of your blogs, I have come to admire you. You are a strong person, just hang in there. It's okay to worry about yourself, and take care of yourself sometimes, so I don't blame you at all for not needing this added stressor of fake jake in your life. Hang in there. I have been to the point of suicide and came back as well, and it is most definitely not an easy process. Take care.

You most certainly are not weak or pathetic! Reading more of your blogs, I have come to admire you. You are a strong person, just hang in there. It's okay to worry about yourself, and take care of yourself sometimes, so I don't blame you at all for not needing this added stressor of fake jake in your life. Hang in there. I have been to the point of suicide and came back as well, and it is most definitely not an easy process. Take care.


Thank you for your kind and caring words. I am glad you did not give into suicide. The world for me would be a sadder place without you. Many blessings and safe hugs to you :hug:

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