pain and flashback
Last night while I was trying to fall asleep I had a flashback. This would be the 3rd one I have had. It is like something pulled and pushed in to my head. This does not make sense yet it is what it feels like. It is like an electrical surge. This flash of memory was not of pain. It was remembering a lake my evil stepfather took us to. The name of the lake is still elluding me but I know it starts with a 'C'. It feels like a scary place but I do not know why. I remembered a set of rocks near the lake where my sister and I played house. The rocks formed like a livingroom. I know we played there alone. Where was mom and the evil stepfather? I remembered being on a plontoon boat. I remember the lake had a stream that flowed into it and one that flowed out of it. I remember walking by the stream flowing out of the lake and alone. I could not have been older than 8 so why would an 8 year old being walking in the woods alone. So much of this memory is blank and yet I feel that something evil happened there. I know we went there many times. I am afraid to remember but it is frustrating that these flashes of memory are like swiss cheese. Do I want to remember or not? I do not know. I also wonder after all this time how much of these flashes are distorted by time and how true are they really? They feel real like they really happened and are true.
Onward I go.