Jump to content


pain and flashback

Posted by bellachai , 07 March 2010 · 42 views

I am going on my tenth day without my medication, Lyrica. The pharmacuetical industry is changing. I had a refill on the file for the free program I found but they merged with another pharmacuetical company so was told to start over with application. I did this and my Doctor faxed all the info to them. I get a letter there is something missing on the script sent to them so back I went to my Doctor to have it corrected. My Doctor has not had any samples and I cannot afford it otherwise. I am in the waiting game. Sometimes getting help is frustrating. Anyway I am realizing the hard way how much Lyrica helps me. I am so tired and can't seem to get anything done. I am having a hard time sleeping due to being in pain with my body jerking awake. I am experiencing hot flashes and due to the lack of sleep my mind is foggy and it seems too much trouble to speak to anyone.

Last night while I was trying to fall asleep I had a flashback. This would be the 3rd one I have had. It is like something pulled and pushed in to my head. This does not make sense yet it is what it feels like. It is like an electrical surge. This flash of memory was not of pain. It was remembering a lake my evil stepfather took us to. The name of the lake is still elluding me but I know it starts with a 'C'. It feels like a scary place but I do not know why. I remembered a set of rocks near the lake where my sister and I played house. The rocks formed like a livingroom. I know we played there alone. Where was mom and the evil stepfather? I remembered being on a plontoon boat. I remember the lake had a stream that flowed into it and one that flowed out of it. I remember walking by the stream flowing out of the lake and alone. I could not have been older than 8 so why would an 8 year old being walking in the woods alone. So much of this memory is blank and yet I feel that something evil happened there. I know we went there many times. I am afraid to remember but it is frustrating that these flashes of memory are like swiss cheese. Do I want to remember or not? I do not know. I also wonder after all this time how much of these flashes are distorted by time and how true are they really? They feel real like they really happened and are true.

Onward I go.

I have memories like that too, filled with unexplained gaps, hints, or an overall doom kind of feeling for no tangible reason.

March 2015

2930 31     

Recent Entries

Recent Comments


Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.