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bellachai's Blog


My daughter's long time boyfriend

Posted by bellachai , 28 April 2013 · 80 views

ewwwwwwwwweeeeeee Liar liar pants on fire.

He looked who he calls mom (me) in the eye and lied to my face, then followed it by another lie and then followed that lie with another. All to 'make' me think he is not hiding things from me for his own selfishness or an unknown whatever.

They have been together now for 4 1/2 years. My daughter said h...


Blood Thinners

Posted by bellachai , 25 April 2013 · 114 views

I decided this morning that it was way past time to shave my legs which is a major chore when you don't have hot water and have to heat water on the stove and carry it to the bathroom. I had a new disposable razor and shaving cream and got right to it. Now I know why they won't allow my home health people to shave or trim nails when you are on b...


Paint me invisable

Posted by bellachai , 23 April 2013 · 110 views

I need to find some paint that will render me invisible then I would match how I feel.

Blessings to all


Crap follows crap

Posted by bellachai , 19 April 2013 · 157 views

Perhaps I am an experiment of how much adversity and how long I can endure before I break forever.

My ex, the father of my children still owes me over $20,000. in arrears child support and for the most part he has been pretty good about sending money every other week. A couple months ago he decided to reduce his payments per month by $60.00....


Well okay I do know why.

Posted by bellachai , 13 April 2013 · 96 views

My intentions were to write more on my last blog entry but as soon as I wrote that one sentence I chickened out. Maybe it is fear or something I cannot put my finger on.

My physical pain is valid as it was so damn cold this week and I do not have heat or hot water. Very inconvenient and worsens pain. Some pain can feed off my depression as well. Just...


Not Coping Well

Posted by bellachai , 13 April 2013 · 98 views

I am not managing my pain and depression lately.


I had a dream

Posted by bellachai , 11 April 2013 · 101 views

I woke this morning remembering what I at first thought was a good dream. I dreamed I was on therit Oregon Coast; my favorite place to be, collecting agates, sea shells and star fish. I was staying in a very small community. This community was going broke and they needed revenue so they decided to charge a fee on anything found on the beach. I decided...


Pain in the Neck

Posted by bellachai , 04 April 2013 · 114 views

literally my neck pain has progressively gotten worse since I fell and broke my arm and ankle.

I know it is not from the fibromyalgia cuz my meds for that do not the pain. I cannot take ibroprophen or tynenol due to the blood thinners. I cannot walk around with a heating pad on it all the time. I called my primary doctor leaving a message with his nur...



Posted by bellachai , 03 April 2013 · 113 views

Having purposes is the reason for staying alive. Before my meltdown and my health failing I had many purposes to living my life.

I know that control is an illusion. One cannot MAKE anyone do anything unless blackmail is a factor especially emotional blackmail. That is game I never played but I did control myself in all things.

I know there is no su...

April 2013


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