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zelda's blog



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crap, shoot

Posted by Zelda , 06 March 2010 · 4 views

fuck, fuck, horseshit, fuck fuck fuck. I felt like swearing and throwing things after group therapy. I felt like throwing things during group therapy, I always feel like that, the swearing afterwards is a new add on.
I think I am developing the 2nd relationship I have ever had in my life, with Ellen, from group. I am as authentic and evolving and comfo...


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mania

Posted by Zelda , 06 March 2010 · 6 views

I feel a string of word vomit unloading here. excuse the graphic description but it is the way I think of it. lucky for everyone, I have to quit

- time for group therapy.


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bridges,paths and inlets to reality

Posted by Zelda , 06 March 2010 · 14 views

coming soon. step away from the computer, I have to go to group and be reasonably coherent and presentable.


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this side of split

Posted by Zelda , 06 March 2010 · 5 views

Some flooding memories. regular memories not new.

I wrangled permisssion from my mom, which was like nothing to do, okay wrangled, ha ! wrong word, anyway I remember packing for my
sleep over at Salome's. I remember it down to finished packing my orange overnight bag and putting my hand on top of the stuff there
with a whew, relief, done, thank...


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depression zone

Posted by Zelda , 04 March 2010 · 4 views

big time depression came out of nowhere lately. my flesh is made of concrete and my bones are rebar. my neck is a super strength rebar that would take an earthquake to bend. therapist last night could not help but notice my depression. She asked me how much of the time I am sad. I bristled, I am not sad, I am depressed ! whoa. Well, I am going to...


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therapy

Posted by Zelda , 03 March 2010 · 6 views

Tonight is my first appointment with a new psychiatrist. This will be the 4th therapist I have tried in 3 months. (Input Woody Allen joke, as in, if this doesn't work I am going to Lourdes or somesuch) I have waited more than 2 weeks to see her, due to her scheduling. Since I made the appointment I have received two emails from her advertising her gro...


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she brought me something !

Posted by Zelda , 24 February 2010 · 6 views

Ellen came over on Sunday and we went for a walk in the woods. I was agitated and told her I would have needed to run a marathon.
But I felt a bit better as we headed back to my place for a bite to eat. We talked, she talked. I loaned her a book, she asked me about another book and I found that and loaned that too. She stood up and said she brought me...


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I'm not gonna lie

Posted by Zelda , 23 February 2010 · 6 views

I've been extremely agitated lately. The agitation is winding down now, Despair. I think about not going on. I think about wishing I didn't have to go back to group therapy this weekend. I think about that it would be nice if this was not my life. .......................................................................................................


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oh honestly

Posted by Zelda , 23 February 2010 · 5 views

A fellow blogger mentioned they find it difficult to tell the truth, or find themselves lying about trivial things.
Understandable, if you grew up in an envionment where the truth is UNSPEAKABLE.
Me, I am pathologically honest. I can't tell even the slightest white lie. In addition, I bring forth the truth, serve it up to people, unasked and unc...


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note to self

Posted by Zelda , 21 February 2010 · 5 views

I read the "The Obsidian Mirror" a month or more ago. When I read it, during certain passages, 2-3 times it happened, I involuntarily curled up in the fetal position. I don't know what it was I read. I just wanted to mark this down for now. End of blog the rest is filler. I am sure but it seems like getting the ... to work is not happe...






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