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I thought I loved him. And I think a part of me did. I trusted him with the truth about my past and all the times that I was hurt and abused and used. He said he loved me but he didn't! He just became another name to my list of men who have hurt me. I stood up for him, I was there was no one else was. I kept his secrets and his past hurt and helped him heal.
But he couldn't do the same for me. He made me leave my boyfriend at the time and convinced me that he was my friend and would help me through the break up but he only did it because he wanted me. Within days he was taking off my clothes and trying to go further, but I told him I wasn't ready. I even told him that I wasn't ready to date. That's when he became controlling.
He would text me all day seeing where I was. We lived in the same dorm so he always had me come stay in his room and would guilt me for being with my friends or wanting to sleep in my own bed. He yelled at me for texting my ex, even though my ex and I were really good friends. He started saying really nasty things about my ex and I would tell me to stop and he started putting me down.
I came home for Christmas break and spent some time with my ex making sure my ex was okay. But it got to a point where I had to lie about spending time with my ex. It was the time apart where I began to see that this guy I thought I loved wasn't who I thought he was. He would talk back to his parents and constantly criticize me for being stupid and naive about people. And how true it was.
After break, I knew that I loved him but I didn't want to be with him. I couldn't be with someone that I didn't trust or respect. Things started to go bad at this point. He already hit me but always played it off as "rough-housing", it was just fun. But I was in his room and told him that I wouldn't date him, he pushed me onto his bed and decided that I had been enough of a tease. We were making out and I told him that I didn't want to have sex but he told me that I did. I have a trigger spot on my left hip and I told him, he touched it and I began to cry but he wouldn't stop until his roommate texted him and told him he was coming back.
Finally he started to understand that I was still in love with my ex. The hitting got worse, to where the bruises lasted for weeks. He would grab my arm and start yelling at me about how much I was hurting him. He tell me that I was crazy and that no one could ever care about me because there was something wrong with me. He would list my faults in front of everyone at work or whoever was around. It became so bad one night that I left his room crying so hard that I coughed up blood, and he told all of his friends and they teased me about it when they saw me.
He kept telling me that he wanted to be friends and I tried. I tried so desperately because I hated the fact that I hurt him. My ex and I got back together and he was trying to cause problems for me and my boyfriend. He cornered me at work one day and told me that I was going to leave my boyfriend for him and that there were rules for when I came crawling back to him. First rule was that I was never allowed to talk to my boyfriend. Second rule was that I had to wait for him to decide when we could date. Third rule was that there were certain friends of mine that I would hang out with less because he didn't like them. Fourth rule was that we didn't have to wait 3 months to have sex.
That was the last straw. But I stayed friends with him because I was one of the only friends he had. I did end up realizing that I couldn't do this. That I was trapped in this abusive friendship. When I told him that I couldn't be friends until he calmed down several times before, he would stop eating and become depressed until I came back to him and did everything I could to fix it. But two months ago, I ended the friendship.
My dream is to live in New York City. I told him and another friend of ours this at work on day and he told me that I would never last. He said that I was too nice and that was my biggest fault. I told him that I didn't think it was a fault at all. He then said that I'm just asking to get raped. I asked him to stop, he knows about my past. He looked at me and said "What? You've never been actually raped. Walking in New York, you'll probably get raped 5 times on your way home. Then you'll have a reason to be upset." My friend asked him to stop. I told him again that there is nothing wrong with trusting people and thinking that they're good. Then he told me that I deserve to get raped.
I was raped about three weeks prior to that conversation. I went to my room and cried for three hours and had a panic attack. I couldn't eat or sleep for days. And all he had to say to me afterwards was that he was sorry I reacted that way but someone has to tell me the truth, that he was only trying to protect me. It was then that I realized I needed to protect myself from him. I don't deserve to be hit, kicked, bullied, manipulated, or constantly put down.
He's still trying to reconnect with me as friends. Please give me support and advice to stay strong and not cave again.
But he couldn't do the same for me. He made me leave my boyfriend at the time and convinced me that he was my friend and would help me through the break up but he only did it because he wanted me. Within days he was taking off my clothes and trying to go further, but I told him I wasn't ready. I even told him that I wasn't ready to date. That's when he became controlling.
He would text me all day seeing where I was. We lived in the same dorm so he always had me come stay in his room and would guilt me for being with my friends or wanting to sleep in my own bed. He yelled at me for texting my ex, even though my ex and I were really good friends. He started saying really nasty things about my ex and I would tell me to stop and he started putting me down.
I came home for Christmas break and spent some time with my ex making sure my ex was okay. But it got to a point where I had to lie about spending time with my ex. It was the time apart where I began to see that this guy I thought I loved wasn't who I thought he was. He would talk back to his parents and constantly criticize me for being stupid and naive about people. And how true it was.
After break, I knew that I loved him but I didn't want to be with him. I couldn't be with someone that I didn't trust or respect. Things started to go bad at this point. He already hit me but always played it off as "rough-housing", it was just fun. But I was in his room and told him that I wouldn't date him, he pushed me onto his bed and decided that I had been enough of a tease. We were making out and I told him that I didn't want to have sex but he told me that I did. I have a trigger spot on my left hip and I told him, he touched it and I began to cry but he wouldn't stop until his roommate texted him and told him he was coming back.
Finally he started to understand that I was still in love with my ex. The hitting got worse, to where the bruises lasted for weeks. He would grab my arm and start yelling at me about how much I was hurting him. He tell me that I was crazy and that no one could ever care about me because there was something wrong with me. He would list my faults in front of everyone at work or whoever was around. It became so bad one night that I left his room crying so hard that I coughed up blood, and he told all of his friends and they teased me about it when they saw me.
He kept telling me that he wanted to be friends and I tried. I tried so desperately because I hated the fact that I hurt him. My ex and I got back together and he was trying to cause problems for me and my boyfriend. He cornered me at work one day and told me that I was going to leave my boyfriend for him and that there were rules for when I came crawling back to him. First rule was that I was never allowed to talk to my boyfriend. Second rule was that I had to wait for him to decide when we could date. Third rule was that there were certain friends of mine that I would hang out with less because he didn't like them. Fourth rule was that we didn't have to wait 3 months to have sex.
That was the last straw. But I stayed friends with him because I was one of the only friends he had. I did end up realizing that I couldn't do this. That I was trapped in this abusive friendship. When I told him that I couldn't be friends until he calmed down several times before, he would stop eating and become depressed until I came back to him and did everything I could to fix it. But two months ago, I ended the friendship.
My dream is to live in New York City. I told him and another friend of ours this at work on day and he told me that I would never last. He said that I was too nice and that was my biggest fault. I told him that I didn't think it was a fault at all. He then said that I'm just asking to get raped. I asked him to stop, he knows about my past. He looked at me and said "What? You've never been actually raped. Walking in New York, you'll probably get raped 5 times on your way home. Then you'll have a reason to be upset." My friend asked him to stop. I told him again that there is nothing wrong with trusting people and thinking that they're good. Then he told me that I deserve to get raped.
I was raped about three weeks prior to that conversation. I went to my room and cried for three hours and had a panic attack. I couldn't eat or sleep for days. And all he had to say to me afterwards was that he was sorry I reacted that way but someone has to tell me the truth, that he was only trying to protect me. It was then that I realized I needed to protect myself from him. I don't deserve to be hit, kicked, bullied, manipulated, or constantly put down.
He's still trying to reconnect with me as friends. Please give me support and advice to stay strong and not cave again.
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