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It's Time To Tell The Truth

Posted by artemis618 , 17 December 2009 · 85 views

Last night I told my friend J everything that has happened to me. I've never told anyone else about all the bad things that happened to me. It actually felt really good to talk about all the times I've been hurt, used, or abused. I haven't told my parents about all the other times I've been attacked other than the most recent, because my school and the police were involved.

When I was in the seventh grade, this guy who went to school with my friend's mom took interest in me. He called me at least 6 times a day and would e-mail countlessly. I was about 13 and he was 23. He would wait til everyone left the room and pin me on the couch and tickle me, always lifting up my shirt and telling me how beautiful I was and how I looked so much older than I was. Then suddenly he stopped going to my friend's house and he stopped trying to contact me after a few months. My friend's mom told me that she told him never to talk to me again because she overheard him talking explicitly about me and saying he knew when my parents left and how I was home alone alot.

Then when I was in the 8th grade, two friends of mine took turns sexually harassing me. One of them soon gave up because he realized that I wouldn't have sex with him. Although he continued to make sexual comments and grope me when he had the chance. It was his best friend that tormented me for three years. G would tell him how ugly I was and how he was only friends with me because I was easy. I had never even kissed a boy at this point. He would harass me online and call me and threaten me. Then after school he waited to walk me to the bus in my freshman year and threw me against the locked ripped at my shirt, groped my breast, and told me that I had "big boobs and a nice ass but other than that you're one of the ugliest fucking things I've ever seen". I developed a panic disorder after that.

When I turned 16, my best friend's older brother who was 21, got me drunk because he wanted to sleep with me. He realized how scared I was after he pinned me down in a field and took me back to the place where I was staying. But continued to tell me that he was going to wait til I lost my virginity because then I wouldn't keep holding out on him.

The worst time was last year, my senior year in high school. I became friends with a new boy in my class. That was the biggest mistake of my life. He asked me to come over one day after school to hang out. I told him that I would try. He knew I had a boyfriend and wasn't interested in him even if he did like me. B told me that his mom was home. She wasn't. I told him that I wanted to go to the park. He kept touching me and I told him not to. I forgot my purse in his apartment. So we went back to get it and he grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the bedroom and locked the door. He pushed me down on the bed and laid on top of me so I couldn't move. B kept kissing my neck and grabbing my chest, pulling my shirt up and playing with my waistband. Then he put all his weight on me and tried taking off my clothes. His mom's boyfriend walked in and I was able to move enough to get up after he left the room. B followed me and shoved me on the couch and wouldn't let me move until my mom called my cell phone asking me when she was supposed to pick me up. My boyfriend at the time broke up with me and accused me of cheating on him. I told him the truth and he apologized but still refuses to believe that it wasn't my fault.

B stalked me after that first incident. He came into my work and would fondle me and make obscene comments all the time. One week after his first attempt he followed me to the local library and asked me to talk with him. So I went to the parking lot and he asked me to get into his car. I refused and walked to the park across the street. When we got there he wouldn't leave me alone. I tried to run when he tried to undo my pants and he laughed and chased me down and tackled me to the ground and started kissing my neck. Finally he let me up. I went to his car to grab my jacket and he tried to push me into the backseat and said he would drive me to the library to wait til my mom came. I said no but B pushed me into the front seat and locked the doors. He wouldn't let me out even after we got there. I called my mom and asked her to hurry and he began to fondle me and tried to climb over the seat on top of me when my mom finally got there. I started yelling at him to unlock the doors and ran to my mom. I still didn't tell her.

After that he left school and began threatening to kill me. He would park in the parking lot and work and wait for me to get off. It wasn't until he threatened to come over to my house one night and "finish what he started" did I realize that I couldn't keep being nice to him. I finally told my friend what was happening and she told another close friend and a teacher overheard what was going on. The police got involved and I was forced to tell my parents. But I lied on my report so I wouldn't have to press charges because in my mind I still didn't want to hurt him even though the pain he put me through was unbearable. I saw him months later and the pain overwhelmed me so much that I attempted to overdose on the 4th of July because I couldn't stand seeing him and watching him follow me around again.

So now I have serious trust issues, problems eating and sleeping, and I no longer consider physical connections with guys as anything special like I used to. I still have yet to tell my parents about everything I went through because I'm not allowed to talk about what happened to me because it's too painful. I just want all the hurt that I've been through to go away. I can't stand being in so much pain all the time.. I'm tired of the pain attacks, the nightmares, the flashbacks. I want my life back.

Jan 17 2010 03:27 AM
That guy has really made me angry. He doesn't deserve your sympathy. Its painful to talk about and keep it inside. How good did you feel letting it out to your friend afterwards though. I'm glad you finally let someone in. If he comes near you again be strong. Don't be scared to fight back I assure you you are tough inside.
Jan 17 2010 03:29 AM
That guy has really made me angry. He doesn't deserve your sympathy. Its painful to talk about and keep it inside. How good did you feel letting it out to your friend afterwards though. I'm glad you finally let someone in. If he comes near you again be strong. Don't be scared to fight back I assure you you are tough inside.

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