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PET processing, part 15...

Posted by missophelia , 20 November 2014 · 46 views

Paragraph 15 of my letter to Dr K:
 
 
I have also learned that if those feelings do come up, that I can deal with them differently. I can be more comfortable with my own beliefs about myself instead of accepting his beliefs about me.
 
 
By working through PET, I have a better understanding of how to handle all of those feelings from...


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PET processing, part 14...

Posted by missophelia , 19 November 2014 · 58 views

Paragraph 14 of my letter to Dr K:
 
 
Knowing I've reached that goal of working on the things he said about me will happen when I look in the mirror and don't think certain things about myself, or just automatically go there in saying things about myself or feeling certain ways about myself. Not automatically feeling dirty for example. Being ar...


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PET processing, part 13...

Posted by missophelia , 18 November 2014 · 93 views

Paragraph 13 of my letter to Dr K:
 
 
I should never define myself by what he said about me.
 
 
NEVER.
 
I should NEVER define my self by what he said about me.
 
I have never been what he said I was, and I never will be.  He never knew the real me, who I was then, and who I have come to be.
 
And honestly, I don'...


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PET processing, part 12...

Posted by missophelia , 17 November 2014 · 131 views

Paragraph 12 of my letter to Dr K:
 
 
He was wrong. Everything he said was wrong. If I can remember that, it will take a lot of the shame away. Now, the fear is not as strong. Facing the rape head on has taken some of his power away, and lessened the fear. If I can keep facing the rape, his power over me will be gone.
 
 
I cannot str...


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PET processing, part 11...

Posted by missophelia , 16 November 2014 · 156 views

Paragraph 11 of my letter to Dr K:
 
 
About the rape. It was something he did to me, something I didn't deserve. It wasn't my fault. I don't have to be ashamed of what happened, or ashamed to talk about it. I don't have to be afraid of the emotions. It is normal to feel all of the emotions I have felt over the years as a result of being raped....


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PET processing, part 10...

Posted by missophelia , 15 November 2014 · 101 views

Paragraph 10 of my letter to Dr K:
 
 
Lesson learned....it can be safe going new places, I can cope with my anxiety. Just because I feel anxious doing or thinking about things doesn't mean those things are unsafe and that I can't do them.  It's about something beyond just tackling the hardware store or other places. It's about: what does i...


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PET processing, part 9...

Posted by missophelia , 14 November 2014 · 69 views

Paragraph 9 of my letter to Dr K:
 
 
The blame is on him.
 
 
The  blame is on him.  The blame is on him.  The blame is on him.  The blame is on him.
 
It feels so good to write that, and to say it.  And to believe it.  And I should add.....   
 
Shame on him.
 
Shame on him....


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PET processing, part 8....

Posted by missophelia , 13 November 2014 · 58 views

Paragraph 8 of my letter to Dr K:
 
 
I have learned that there is nothing I should have done. There is only what I did to survive. The simple facts are that he was stronger than me, and bigger than me. He had this anger strength. He did not care about how I felt, he was going to do what he wanted to do.
 
 
Yes, this sounds like rehas...


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PET processing, part 7...

Posted by missophelia , 12 November 2014 · 65 views

Paragraph 7 of my letter to Dr K:
 
 
All of the should haves also don't matter. It's not my fault that he grabbed me. It's not my fault that he was stronger than me. It's not my fault that he decided to rape me.
 
 
For years, I have been consumed with should haves.  All the should haves.
 
I should have been more careful....


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PET processing, part 6....

Posted by missophelia , 11 November 2014 · 64 views

Paragraph 6 of my letter to Dr K:
 
 
And what is important now is that I survived.
 
 
I cannot stress enough to my self what is important now.  Today.  In the present. 
 
I bought my self a bracelet last week when I was out shopping for a new top.  It is leather, wraps around my wrist 4 times, with a silver s...






Blog Warning

This is a blog of my thoughts, my feelings, my happiness, my pain, my joy, my sorrow, all raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of your self.

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    Blog Warning

    This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.

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    Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.