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The Second Time It Happened

Posted by missophelia , 28 February 2010 · 14 views

Trigger warning. Please take gentle care.

At work one afternoon, the watch officer called me to the bridge. She was sitting with him and another chief. It had been three weeks since he’d raped me the first time.

My heart raced as I walked to the bridge. He just sat there staring at me.

She asked me if I could drop a packet of papers off at the qu...


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Next

Posted by missophelia , 27 February 2010 · 25 views

Last night's blog was hard for me to write. It was even harder to post here.

I've never told anyone what I wrote last night. I told Dr H that I was raped by him, but I've never described what happened.

I was a little shocked with myself that I went into such detail when I wrote it. When I read it back to myself, it brought up so many em...


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The First Time It Happened

Posted by missophelia , 26 February 2010 · 14 views

Trigger warning. Please take gentle care.

One day I walked on to the watch floor where I worked, and there he was.

When I first saw him, I tried to find somewhere to hide. That’s all I wanted to do. It had been a couple of years, but I never forgot the way he talked to me, or what he called me.

There was no where to go, and he spotted me. Our eyes...


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How I Met Him

Posted by missophelia , 25 February 2010 · 11 views

This is the start of the most difficult parts of my story.

Two weeks into my schooling, a bunch of us decided to check out the bowling alley. Some of them bowled, but I didn't want to. So I sat with my soda, watching. Then some guy sat across from me at my table.

He started talking to me. When I got a look at him, I froze. He was the spitting i...


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The Good Time

Posted by missophelia , 24 February 2010 · 12 views

I had just turned 20.

I would show up at group therapy when I felt like it, spend a few minutes in group, then sit in the bathroom drinking. I wasn't working, I was still living at my mother's, and I was so full of pain and anger.

One day, I picked up an AA pamphlet that was sitting on a table in the group room. I was about to toss it when...


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Mental Health Time/More Lost Time

Posted by missophelia , 23 February 2010 · 16 views

After failing at college, I again found myself in my mother's house. But not for long. Soon after I started working, I found an apartment I could afford.

I got a job as a cashier at a local grocery store. Having been classically trained on the piano and organ, I also took a job as an organist at a local church.

For a while, things were OK. But t...


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Wow

Posted by missophelia , 22 February 2010 · 21 views

I was planning to continue with my story tonight, but it'll have to wait. I need to write about today.

I had therapy this morning. My sessions have been very good for me lately. Today was like no other that I've had yet, and I'm kind of proud of myself.

It didn't start well. I was sitting in the waiting room, and saw a cop walk by....


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College Time/Lost Time

Posted by missophelia , 21 February 2010 · 22 views

High school finally ended. I spent the summer working, and then I started college in the fall.

I was no where NEAR ready for college. Not socially or emotionally. At the time, though, the most important thing for me was to get out of my mother's house. I felt free for the first time ever.

Things started out OK. I made it to classes, I was abl...


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Yes, missophelia, you are allowed to be happy

Posted by missophelia , 20 February 2010 · 15 views

I did a lot of thinking after I posted last night. I got to thinking about good times, and happiness. And I focused on one time in my life in particular.

Why it's taken so long to acknowledge that happy time in my life? I think my life, and my childhood in particular, have been so overshadowed by all of my pain and anger, that maybe the good times...


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Little Girl Lost

Posted by missophelia , 19 February 2010 · 13 views

I would say that lost describes how I felt my senior year in high school. After my uncle tried to rape me, I was filled with pain and anger. The girl who I'd been was pretty well all gone. I would compare how I felt to how a child lost from her mother in a crowd would feel. Horribly lost. In my pain and anger.

And I found that I was very much st...






Blog Warning

This is a blog of my thoughts, my feelings, my happiness, my pain, my joy, my sorrow, all raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of your self.

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    Blog Warning

    This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.

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    Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.