Jump to content

my blog


Maybe PTSD, Maybe ?

Posted by missophelia , 16 April 2010 · 25 views

Iíve been off all day. I donít know if itís my PTSD, or what. Iíve been jumpy and on edge. Just off.

A and I did some running around today, and she drove. I felt like a banshee or something. I kept yelling at her about her driving, especially at intersections. I really went off on her at one in particular.

Then we passed a cop in one of the aisl...


Working On It

Posted by missophelia , 15 April 2010 · 24 views

Iím working on not letting him control me or my life anymore. Itís hard to imagine getting him out of my head, and not reacting the way I do to triggers that remind me of what he did, or memories of him.

I saw a cop today, almost ran into him when I stopped to get gas. It threw me into a panic, and I ended up sitting by the side of the road, trying to...


Weird Dream

Posted by missophelia , 14 April 2010 · 37 views

Last night I had a weird dream. My dreams have been changing since Iíve been in therapy. And Iím working on changing them, although I still donít understand the process. But Iím trying what Dr H suggested.

My dream didnít start like they usually do. I usually have nightmares about the time he raped me behind the building. I have rarely dreamed about...


Some Thoughts

Posted by missophelia , 13 April 2010 · 25 views

I spent a good part of the day cleaning more of my house. It feels good to be more motivated to get something done around here. Iíve boxed up a few more things, and gotten rid of some more garbage. And Iíve done lots of dusting, which was really needed.

While I was cleaning, I kept thinking about yesterday. In some ways yesterday feels like a dream....



Posted by missophelia , 12 April 2010 · 48 views

I donít even know how to describe my session today. It was more than I hoped it would be, and it went better than I imagined.

When I first sat down in Dr Hís office I was immediately nervous. I started by telling her about my upcoming oral surgery. I told her how thinking about it brought back memories of that night behind the gym. Then I told her th...


The Bubble

Posted by missophelia , 11 April 2010 · 28 views

Well, I got a lot done today. I think Iíve done more today than I have over the past month, as far as being motivated and getting some cleaning done. I got rid of some more stuff. A bunch of cookbooks I donít ever use, some old furniture, a couple of bags worth of trash. My kitchen still has some things I need to find new places for, but it looks a lo...


Motivated and Rambling

Posted by missophelia , 10 April 2010 · 43 views

Today has been a good day. Iíve actually been quite productive.

I started cleaning out all of the junk and clutter that Iíve accumulated these past years. I think that will help my state of mind, because when I get down or depressed, I know seeing all of it and living in a mess doesnít help me.

I am also almost done trying to figure out where Iím goin...


I Have Realized Something

Posted by missophelia , 09 April 2010 · 40 views

I did a lot of thinking today, and I have realized something. Iíve come to a conclusion. Telling my story to Dr H will not kill me.

Iíve been thinking a lot about my upcoming oral surgery. Iíve been trying not to panic. I know why Iíve been panicking. Itís because of what he did to me behind the gym. And I really think I need to talk to Dr H about...


Good News/Bad News

Posted by missophelia , 08 April 2010 · 41 views

I got a call from my dentist today. My insurance has approved all of the dental work that I need to have done. And I have an appointment. On the 23rd I will be having oral surgery to remove whatís left of my natural teeth. Then I will get dentures.

This is a decision I struggled with. I had one really bad tooth, giving me a lot of pain, so I went to...



Posted by missophelia , 07 April 2010 · 34 views

Iím kind of tired tonight. Maybe itís because I didnít sleep too well last night. No nightmares, just restless. Itís been a long day, and I didnít do much. Iím a little down, and I feel kind of drained. But Iím not depressed. Anyway, I started trying to think of something that would make me feel a little better.

I started thinking about the prog...

Blog Warning

This is a blog of my thoughts, my feelings, my happiness, my pain, my joy, my sorrow, all raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of your self.

November 2015

29 30     

Recent Entries

Recent Comments


    0 user(s) viewing

    0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

    Blog Warning

    This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.

    0 user(s) viewing

    0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

    Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.