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I Have Decided

Posted by missophelia , 14 February 2010 · 16 views

I've been doing some more thinking today, but not like I did the other day. That day I ended up with horrible anxiety.

I've made a decision.

I'm going to tell my story. I'll tell it here. And I will work up the courage to tell it face to face to Dr H.

I realized something today.

If I tell my story, I think it will give me strength....


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Better?

Posted by missophelia , 13 February 2010 · 12 views

Today's been a little better. I've been feeling a little less out of sorts, a little more comfortable with myself.

Didn't do much but sleep most of the day. It would help if I got some sleep at night, like "normal" people do. But it's been a long time since that's happened.

I'd love to move on from my nightmares, and h...


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out of sorts

Posted by missophelia , 12 February 2010 · 8 views

Today has been just great. I'm in a funk, and I hate when I get this way.

I'm out of sorts. Very uncomfortable with myself right now. Very uncomfortable with everything around me. I've been like this all day.

I hate my life. I'm so unsatisfied. Nothing in my life is what I want it to be. I feel like my life has no meaning, and it...


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Thinking Too Much

Posted by missophelia , 11 February 2010 · 9 views

I think I've been thinking too much.

I didn't sleep well last night. My stomach hurt badly, and I was restless. Couldn't seem to calm myself down. Part of me didn't want to dream, so I fought sleep. Eventually I fell asleep, but I was up pretty early this morning. Luckily I'm used to operating on little sleep, but I know that...


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A Dream

Posted by missophelia , 10 February 2010 · 13 views

I dreamed last night.

Dr H asked me what my nightmares are like. How they make me feel. I told her that they're scary. That I always wake up scared to death. Because my nightmares seem so real.

Last night's dream started out like my usual nightmares do. A slow replay of him raping me. Just like every time, the beginning of it seemed so r...


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Him

Posted by missophelia , 09 February 2010 · 9 views

Dr H and I talked a little about him yesterday.

He was a Chief Petty Officer when I met him the first time. An E-7 in rank. When I was in my Navy "A" school.

I was a Seaman at the time, an E-3 in rank. I was just out of boot camp, with a short leave time before my school started. I was new to the Navy, and excited to be in the service.

H...


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Desensitizing

Posted by missophelia , 08 February 2010 · 8 views

I had a good session with Dr H today.

I wrote out on paper my blog from yesterday and took it with me to let her read. I've shown her pictures of my artwork, but I've never let her read anything I've ever written in my blog or my journal. So, for me, it was a big step.

I think she is THE ONE person I can trust to share my writings with....


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I Would Love To--A Letter To Him

Posted by missophelia , 07 February 2010 · 17 views

I would love to scratch your eyes out, for every time you stared at me

I would love to rip your tongue out, for every time you stopped me from speaking

I would love to rip your hair out, for every time you grabbed and pulled my hair

I would love to rip your hands off, for every time you held me against my will

I would love to rip your body apart, slow...


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blast from my past

Posted by missophelia , 06 February 2010 · 8 views

Today I went and got some shopping done at Walmart. I kind of slipped up, and bought a bunch of junk food. My stash. Some Reese's peanut butter cups, some donuts, a large Symphony bar, should I go on?

But I did eat a fairly well balanced dinner. I had a chef salad, with meat, cheese, egg, and veggies. So, as long as I can indulge in the junk in...


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Trauma

Posted by missophelia , 05 February 2010 · 13 views

I had a restless night. I fought to stay awake, because I wasn't ready for another nightmare. So I tried to stay up, and flipped channels on the TV for quite a while. Eventually, though, sleep took over.

I rarely write about my nightmares, because I'd rather not relive them. I have enough trouble dealing with memories and flashbacks. If I ca...






Blog Warning

This is a blog of my thoughts, my feelings, my happiness, my pain, my joy, my sorrow, all raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of your self.

September 2014

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    Blog Warning

    This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.

    1 user(s) viewing

    0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users


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    Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.