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Trying to Handle

Posted by missophelia , 04 February 2010 · 6 views

Today started out pretty good.

Roxy is back to normal, acting like herself, happy and feisty. Makes me happy. :)

I went to the store earlier. It was crowded, more so than usual. Then I stopped at a convenience store to get gas. On my way out, I passed a cop going in.

I managed to make it back to my car just before I had a terrible panic attack...


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A Mixed Day

Posted by missophelia , 03 February 2010 · 5 views

Today has been both good and bad. It all started early this morning.

I didn't get much sleep. I woke up early after having a nightmare. Not as bad as some, but still bad enough. I woke up in a bad state of panic. It took me a while to be able to calm down, after much grounding and reassuring myself that I was safe. Still, I stayed up, and turne...


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Positives

Posted by missophelia , 02 February 2010 · 5 views

Had a good session with Dr H today. She was proud of me for taking such a huge step in being able to let go of the self blame I've felt for years. She said it's awesome progress for me in my healing.

We talked about my anger, and my concerns that I be able to take it in a positive direction, instead of letting it fester and having it grow into...


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Still Hanging In There

Posted by missophelia , 01 February 2010 · 11 views

Still hanging in there, and doing OK with my anger. It hasn't overtaken me, it's just there and I'm aware of it. I see Dr H tomorrow. I know I'll talk to her about it.

I just need to learn what to do with it, in a positive way, so that it doesn't fester inside of me.

A is still hanging in there too. She had therapy today. Before...


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What I Deserve

Posted by missophelia , 31 January 2010 · 10 views

I've been doing a lot of thinking this week. I've also been saying those words to myself, as many times a day as I can. And it's made me realize something.

From day one, practically, Dr H told me that I'm too hard on myself. That I don't treat myself the way I treat others. That I don't give myself enough respect or gentle car...


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Just Another Day

Posted by missophelia , 30 January 2010 · 5 views

Today has just been another day. But I should be happy.

No anxiety, no depression. No feeling badly. No feeling at all.

Just numb.

For all the times I'd love to go get mind-numbing drunk, so I wouldn't have to feel ANYTHING, the way I feel now sucks.

I can't even feel any joy. Just nothing.

I suppose it will pass. It usually does aft...


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What happened to my plans

Posted by missophelia , 29 January 2010 · 13 views

At the time I was raped, I was planning on a military career. At least 20 years. It's what I wanted.

I didn't join the US Navy to find a husband, like some of the girls in my bootcamp company. My grandfather proudly served during WWII, and he always spoke highly of his time in service. I think it was his pride and telling of some of the thing...


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Strange Feeling, Strange Day

Posted by missophelia , 28 January 2010 · 9 views

Strange feeling, anger.

I don't handle my anger well. So it's a strange feeling for me. And because I don't handle it well, it usually turns to anxiety. But sometimes it hides deep inside of me, until it explodes in rage. Which is very scary for me.
So, when I feel anger I usually wind up a mess of raw nerves and inability to function....


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Helpless

Posted by missophelia , 27 January 2010 · 25 views

I'm tired of feeling helpless.

Everything makes me feel helpless. Anxiety. Depression. Nightmares. Flashbacks. Panic Attacks. Every one of those paralyzes me and makes me feel completely helpless.

I want it to change. I want to feel strong. I want to feel confident. I want to be able to have the kind of life that I should be entitled to....


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Blame

Posted by missophelia , 26 January 2010 · 9 views

Therapy day today. I guess it was a good session. It felt different for me, though.

For some reason, I had a hard time talking about my feelings. They were the main thing we talked about today. I've gotten to the point with Dr H where I have no problem talking to her about how I feel, so I don't know why it was so difficult today. Maybe it w...






Blog Warning

This is a blog of my thoughts, my feelings, my happiness, my pain, my joy, my sorrow, all raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of your self.

April 2014

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    Blog Warning

    This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.

    4 user(s) viewing

    0 members, 4 guests, 0 anonymous users

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