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Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!

There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!

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bellachai, jmsclayton, Lucchia and 2 others like this

A Smile

19 January 2010
Posted by missophelia  
Today......................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Dr H

Called me

A

Survivor

:) :D :D

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Getting Over It

18 January 2010
Posted by missophelia  
I hoped that today would be better for me, considering what I've been through this past week. When I went to bed, I fully intended to make today a good one.

Oh well.

I had trouble falling asleep. Probably the fallout from all the emotional stress I've been through. I had trouble getting my body to relax. My mind, too. The last time...
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Emotional Roller Coaster

17 January 2010
Posted by missophelia  
Right about now my nerves are shot. My emotions, too. And I'm smoking too much. I quit for like two months, and here I am again. I know it's a bad crutch, but right now... Oh well, I can always quit again.

I've been getting paperwork together for the lawyer for my bankruptcy. My financial affairs are sad. I hope to start clean...
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Here I Go

16 January 2010
Posted by missophelia  
It really bothers me that I didn't have any idea that A was involved in an abusive relationship.

I should've seen something, or known something, or picked up on some kind of behavior of hers. I mean, I am her mother, and I've always thought I was "in tune" with her and any problems she might be having.

I guess finding...
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Some news

15 January 2010
Posted by missophelia  
Well, it's been a not-so-good day. I think I'm coming down with something...real bad headache, stomach upset. Yuck!!

Or it could be that maybe my body is reacting to the emotional roller coaster I've been on lately. Hmmm.

Anyway, my daughter, A, has been seeing a therapist for a few weeks now. I don't ever pry into...
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Hate/Blame/Anger

14 January 2010
Posted by missophelia  
So, I did some thinking today, about how I've been feeling the past couple days. I guess I wonder how fair I'm being to D for not being there for me after I was raped.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that even if he hadn't been passed out, chances are he would've been asleep for work the next day. On neither of...
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A Lot to Consider

13 January 2010
Posted by missophelia  
Well, I got the nerve up to talk to D. I'm actually kind of proud of myself, because, like I said, men scare me, including D. I had all the possible options of what he would say all prepared in my mind. Dr H told me to try something like that. So, for the most part, I was prepared.

I wasn't prepared for one of the things he said. D...
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Conflicted

12 January 2010
Posted by missophelia  
Well, I've spent the last two hours crying, or should I say, fighting the urge. Crying is painful for me, because I'm so afraid I'll lose total control and never be able to stop.

My relationship with my husband, D, has been strained for almost two years now. Before that it's always been OK. Not perfect, but OK.

I know what set...
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And More Feeling

11 January 2010
Posted by missophelia  
Anger
Anxiety
Depression
Pain

Six months ago, I wouldn't have been able to name those feelings in therapy. Today I did. I guess that's progress??

I'm not handling them well. Dr H knows how I used to handle them, and that I've been resisting those urges. In some ways, though, it looks pretty appealing to me to go get myself...
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feeling

10 January 2010
Posted by missophelia  
feeling hopelessly stuck

feeling like a useless blob
of a human

feeling like there's no sense
to try and move on

feeling like I'll never be
a survivor

it's tonight
and that's how I feel

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bellachai, jmsclayton, Lucchia and 2 others like this

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This is a blog of my thoughts, my feelings, my happiness, my pain, my joy, my sorrow, all raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of your self.

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    Blog Warning

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    Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.