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a view on shame....

Posted by missophelia , 22 June 2014 · 38 views

“The basis of shame is not some personal mistake of ours, but the ignominy, the humiliation we feel that we must be what we are without any choice in the matter, and that this humiliation is seen by everyone.” — 
Milan Kundera
 
 
 
Shame has come up quite a bit, both in my group therapy, and in my indi...


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the core...

Posted by missophelia , 15 June 2014 · 43 views

I had a rough session on Friday. I am still doing prolonged exposure therapy. It will continue for some time, I believe.
 
In my session on Friday, I started to identify some emotions and beliefs from the rape, both of which I have held deep inside of me for all of these past 25 years. Emotions and beliefs that go beyond all of the surface emotions I...


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really, right now...

Posted by missophelia , 07 June 2014 · 38 views

...I want to run away from the trauma,
and from the part of my life story
where I was raped...


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inspiration...

Posted by missophelia , 28 May 2014 · 53 views

I wrote this just now,
I was inspired to by a very good friend of mine.
Thank you, friend.  You have inspired me to so much more than just writing this.  I hope you enjoy it, and take to heart all I say from the bottom of my heart.  After all, the meat of it holds true for you as much as it does for me.
Don't ever forget that you too are a...


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what it feels like...

Posted by missophelia , 27 May 2014 · 33 views

walking through fire....


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a realization...

Posted by missophelia , 25 May 2014 · 35 views

I have been listening to this recording I made in my therapy session last week.  It has been extremely difficult. 
 
Painful.
 
But I am starting to realize something.
 
I never really cried for the me that died that night.  I never really mourned. 
 
I never really grieved.
 
I feel like I am in the process of...


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my days, again....

Posted by missophelia , 24 May 2014 · 33 views

The past couple of days have been hard for me.  Not a great difference from how my  days used to be.
 
Maybe I have been blocking out the trauma, meaning that maybe I have been avoiding dealing with it?
 
I don't know.
 
All I do know is that for the past couple days I have found my self feeling very triggered, just about everywhe...


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aftermath...

Posted by missophelia , 22 May 2014 · 41 views

Today has not been good.  Last night was not good.
 
I had a nightmare and got maybe 3 hours total in sleep, but even that total was broken.
 
Today has a rollercoaster of anxiety.  Up and down.  Made it hard for me to do the things I needed to.
 
Harder still that I have a recording of my session yesterday, and have to liste...


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new old feelings...

Posted by missophelia , 21 May 2014 · 47 views

It's been quite a while since I've been on here.  And after today, I realize it's been too long.
 
I can't write much right now.  I had therapy.  The first really hard session of my prolonged exposure therapy. 
 
I had to tell my therapist about that night behind the building.  More than once.
 
New old feelings....


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so much...

Posted by missophelia , 29 April 2014 · 29 views

So much has been going on with me, and I know I haven't checked in here or written in quite some time.
 
I have done some writing on my wordpress blog, if anyone wants to check it out.  Here is the link:   http://opheliadd.wordpress.com/
 
I have been dealing with a considerable amount of pain.  Dealing with a VA doc who is...






Blog Warning

This is a blog of my thoughts, my feelings, my happiness, my pain, my joy, my sorrow, all raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of your self.

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    Blog Warning

    This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.

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    Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.