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hard to write....

Posted by missophelia , 04 April 2015 · 40 views

I keep meaning to write here.  I keep having horrible pain.
 
It's not bad enough that my back hurts. That my hand and wrist hurt with the cold and with any usage where I apply pressure.  That my neck pain started to return in a bad way.
 
I had another procedure done on my neck to get rid of that really bad pain.  The last time I...


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been gone...

Posted by missophelia , 13 March 2015 · 41 views

I've been gone quite a while.  Sorry.
 
Something inside of me is not in any way in the writing mood, if that's the way I should put it???    I have been struggling to put anything down in writing, to get any words to come forth from inside of me.
 
Something is going on with me.  Partly a physical something.  Partl...


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just a short note....

Posted by missophelia , 24 January 2015 · 63 views

To say hey!
 
Sorry I've been away!
 
I've been working hard on this project for the VA art competition, and plan to be back really soon.  I have a lot more work to do....
 
Hope all of you have been well. 
 
Namaste
 


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2014 part 13...

Posted by missophelia , 17 January 2015 · 52 views

That lack of control didn't end on the side of the highway.
 
Like I said, it was a godsend to be put into the back of that ambulance. But it would be a long while before I was let off of that backboard, or at least it seemed like it was a long while.
 
At the hospital I remained immobilized. All through the procedure of xrays, of many checks by...


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2014 part 12...

Posted by missophelia , 15 January 2015 · 54 views

Losing control. Lack of control. Having no control.
 
For me, and probably others with PTSD, control is a huge issue. When I feel I have lost control, this overwhelming anxiety overtakes me. That flight part of fight or flight takes over me. I want to run. I want to hide. I end up feeling like I did on those two nights that I was raped.
 
Corner...


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2014 part 11...

Posted by missophelia , 14 January 2015 · 42 views

On February 6, 2014, I was involved in an accident. The rear end of my car was smashed down to nothing by a tractor trailer that was being driven at about 60 mph.
 
As I have said, there were things that happened to me in 2014 that were significant, and in a positive way. This accident was one of those things.
 
When I say that this accident was...


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2014 part 10...

Posted by missophelia , 11 January 2015 · 78 views

At some point between January 13th , 2014 and February 6th , 2014, and I don't remember the exact date, I got my first haircut.
 
I say it was my first haircut because for the first time I got my hair done in a manner that felt real. The haircut felt like me. It felt natural.
 
And for the first time, I actually liked a physical part of me. I li...


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2014 part 9...

Posted by missophelia , 10 January 2015 · 42 views

So, what is it that I have learned from Buddhism?
 
I don't know if I've learned anything. I think I am learning. I am learning much, and have far to go to become the kind of Buddhist I long to be. But I am learning, and that is important. I have an open mind to take what I have read and put it into practice. Going beyond my saying to my self,...


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2014 part 8...

Posted by missophelia , 07 January 2015 · 43 views

Once I got home from the hospital, and found my mala, I realized that I wasn't just searching for my mala. Sure, that was a big part of what I had thought about while I was in the hospital. But it wasn't the mala I was really looking for. I was searching for much more.
 
I remember one night, shortly after leaving the hospital, that I was on my compu...


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2014 part 7...

Posted by missophelia , 06 January 2015 · 68 views

I had studied Buddhism for a short time, a few years ago. At the time that I discovered Buddhism, I was searching for something, spiritually. I didn't know then what Buddhism would mean to me now.
 
I was raised an Episcopalian. A lot of the traditions I was raised with were more Catholic in action and belief. As with many children, I was taught...






Blog Warning

This is a blog of my thoughts, my feelings, my happiness, my pain, my joy, my sorrow, all raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of your self.

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    Blog Warning

    This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.

    1 user(s) viewing

    0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

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