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don't want this anymore...

Posted by missophelia , 18 February 2014 · 170 views

Watching a rerun of Dr Phil yesterday, something he said struck me.
He was speaking with a man who was afraid to marry his girlfriend of 3 years.  This man had come from a bad marriage, where his wife was abusive, manipulative.  Just all around horrible to him.
What Dr Phil said really struck me.
He said that as long as this man viewed all women the way he viewed his ex wife, based on his experiences with her, as long as this man didn't move on in a healthy way with his girlfriend, as long as this man was held back in all the ways he was being held back, as long as all of that was in play:  his ex wife was continuing to control him, manipulate him, and affect every aspect of his life.
Or something like that. 
But I got the gist of what Dr Phil was saying.  And it made me think.
I can apply everything he said to that man about his ex wife to myself and the man that raped me.
Yes, he does continue to control me.  He continues to intimidate me.  He continues to "have" me.
And I don't want that anymore.

Feb 18 2014 07:53 PM

Very wise and perceptive.  Something for me to reflect on too. 

Feb 18 2014 08:00 PM



Thanks.  It does have me thinking.  :)

Dr. Phil really gets a person thinking.  The only thing I would counter with is that the rapist; He never had you.  You were raped and that is different than being had, in my book.  Take gentle care.

Feb 19 2014 04:20 PM



Dr Phil really does get me thinking.


I think that I didn't mean him "having" me in a certain way.  I think I meant it more like, him "having" me, is what I am still dealing with, the effects of the trauma.  There is still that fear I feel, that sense of shame, that lingering of intimidation from him, and some shame.  And I agree with Dr Phil, until I work through the trauma in therapy, he will still have some kind of hold over me. 


I talked to Dr K about it today, and she said that made total sense.


Anyway, thank you, and I hope you are taking gentle care of you too.   :)

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