I have hardly any hope. I have hardly any feeling close to strength, or courage.
I don't know where any of that is inside of me.
And I don't know why I am still here, or why I am still going on, despite the fact that I feel doomed.
This is a link to something on the mayo clinic that my psychiatrist is trying to use with me, to help with my depression.
I cannot take most every depression med (or a vast majority of meds for anything else), because most every single one has lactose in it. I am highly sensitive and allergic to lactose. Taking a med with lactose would severely affect my stomach, which in turn would only make me more depressed. A couple of months ago, I did try Wellbutrin. It has no lactose. However, it gave me some pretty bad stomach pain.
So, I am trying what is called a lightbox. It is simply a box with bulbs in it that mimic the sun and all the sun brings to us in the way of natural outdoor light. It is most commonly prescribed for the treatment of SAD, seasonal affective disorder. But it can be used for the treatment of non seasonal affected depression, too. I included the link in case anyone wanted to read about lightbox therapy.
I finally picked it up from the VA today. Nice that they paid for it for me. And I tried it for the first time this morning. I sit with it for 5 minutes every morning, although the length of time may increase slightly. My doc says you have to use it before noon.
So, I will try it. I am trying it.
And that's a good thing?
Trying to see it that way.