But in a way, good.
I unloaded on Dr K. She asked me how I was doing, and I said what I always doŚnot wonderful. And then, I just started talking. By the time I was done, it felt good.
But by the time I left her office, I felt horrible again.
And on the way home, it just all hit me again. All of the emotions, thoughts.
Because what we talked about between my unloading, and the end of my session, it was all so hard.
She wants me to talk about my SI'ing. About how I felt before, how I felt after. About the day and what was going on on those days that I have SI'ed. She wants to see the cuts I have. She wants to talk about what SI'ing does for me. About the thoughts I have in my head surrounding SI'ing.
It is all very hard for me to talk about. It is such a private thing. A personal thing. Something that, before her, I never talked about with someone in person. Yes, I've written about it. But to actually talk face to face with someone about it?
That is overwhelming.
I guess the one good thing that came of my session today is that for a while I will be seeing her every week, instead of every other week.