to quote Elizabeth Wurtzel...
ó Elizabeth Wurtzel
Wondering if it's worth it is taking it's toll on me.
Pretty much sums up my day today, as far as how my emotions have been. Fighting really hard right now to not give up and give in and end things. And I've been fighting some pretty strong urges, trying to keep myself from SI'ing. And trying to keep myself here, on this planet.
The other day I wrote about bargains, and the fact that I have made a current bargain, one to keep me on the planet. And I am about at the end of that bargain, and I'm really trying to convince myself to extend that bargain.
I just don't know how much longer I can go on feeling this way, without at least giving in to my urge to SI. I KNOW it would bring me relief, if I gave in and SI'ed. And I keep rationalizing that, if I can get relief from SI'ing, maybe it would give me another chance to fight to bring myself out of this depression I'm in.
So, I don't know.