The fact that, at times, I wish I felt like I was healing.
Pair that with the fact that, at times, I don't care. At times, I don't want to heal.
I don't know if it's simply my depression talking. Or my anxiety.
But it's just so frustrating, because I can get to the point where I want to work hard at my healing. And then, it's like I suddenly just turn totally the other way, and I don't want to do anything to help myself heal.
And then I get angry. Mostly at myself.
And that just doesn't help.
And then I get more depressed. More anxious.
And then I want to SI. Or I feel like I could care less if I was even alive.
I don't know if any of that makes any sense to anyone. Can anyone relate?
It's like this horrid rollercoaster ride. And I wish I could get off.