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Express it
What good does that do?
My therapist says
My close friends say
My support says
It will help
It will heal
But it doesn't
It can't
It won't
How could it?
How could it ever, really?
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You have so many painful emotions locked up inside. They all need to be released or the pain will stay with you. Writing it out may seem like it is not helping, it may even make you feel worse. But as you work through a particular aspect, process it, experience the feelings that go with it, that aspect loses its power. Then you move on to the next one. As you process each aspect, as you have more behind you, you will start to feel better.
During the hardest two years of my therapy I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere. I felt horrible, and like nothing was helping. I thought I wasn't experiencing anything or releasing anything. Now looking back, I can see that I was experiencing things and that I was actually processing them.
I hope this doesn't come across as invalidating, I don't mean to be at all. I hear your pain and I understand how incredibly difficult it all is and how it seems impossible to get through. Don't give up