scared of me...
I hope that I can at least put some words and thoughts down here.
I have been struggling with depression. Anxiety. Anger. Today has been extremely hard for me.
And again, like last year, christmas has hit me and filled me with horrible anxiety.
I have been having many urges to SI lately. And, over the course of the past couple days, thoughts of SU.
I also have lost my appetite.
The last time I was this depressed was when I first started therapy, in the fall of 2008. But it was different back then.
Back then, I just simply did not care if I lived or died. I went about the things I had to do, except for work, and just didn't care what happened to me. I wasn't actively trying to bring anything about.
It's different lately. And that's what scares me. Today, I almost took an active step toward SU.
I am fine now. It seems like those thoughts come in waves, almost. It's like, my depression is there, but I have these flare ups where it is all just overwhelming all of a sudden. Mixed with a sudden, extremely horrible anxiety. And that's what happened today.
I thought about calling Dr K. I don't want to end up in the hospital.
I don't know what to do.