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Posted by missophelia , 29 November 2012 · 30 views

I have been absent from blogging, and being more present here is one of the things I am really trying to do. I know that blogging regularly helped me quite a bit when I did it in the past.

I have been so depressed, and so angry. And I still am. But over the past two days, the depression has become different for me.

It feels a little scarier. I have times when I can totally block it, and then it hits me full force, and I have problems holding it together. But now, I just simply have no appetite. I've eaten very little the past two days. What I have eaten I've had to force myself to. And I don't know what to do about this.

And even though it feels a little scarier, at the same time, I really don't care.

I called my therapist, Dr K, last night. I can't reach her after hours, but she said I could call and just listen to her message because sometimes that helps. But she also said that I could leave a message and she would call me back.

Well, I called, listened to the message, and after the beep, I hung up. I wanted to say something, wanted to tell her I was having urges to SI.

But I didn't.

So, here I am. I have no idea if this will help at all. And part of me doesn't care.

And part of me wants to call Dr K. And talk to her. Or leave her a message.

And part of me doesn't.

Part of me is torn with even wanting to be here, or anywhere.

Whatever.

I have invited my daughter and her family to dinner Sunday. Maybe that will help? At this point, I don't know. I almost feel lost.

Whatever.



Im sorry you're in so pain my friend. Depression can kick our asses sometimes. I hope you'll call Dr.K if you need her. I know she'd want you to. Sending you strength and healing.

Much love!:hug:/> :hug:/> :hug:/>
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Untangling-It-All
Dec 01 2012 11:50 AM
I am glad you wrote a blog post, because it has been so helpful in the post. I hope that you can manage to get back into it, and that it will help you like it has.

I understand how hard it is to eat when depressed. I've hit points where I just couldn't eat, at all. Try to have liquid things to eat, like soup or smoothies. It's not as filling as regular food, but it's still nutrition, and it can help get you by.

I hope too that maybe you can leave a message with Dr. K. If you can't, maybe you could write to her? Even if you don't give it to her.

I hope having your daughter and her family over will help. :hug:
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missophelia
Dec 01 2012 02:23 PM
Susan

Thank you for the support. It helps.

Lots of love! :hug: :hug: :hug:
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missophelia
Dec 01 2012 02:24 PM
Untangling

Thank you, too, for the support. It really does help.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

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This is a blog of my thoughts, my feelings, my happiness, my pain, my joy, my sorrow, all raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of your self.

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    Blog Warning

    This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.

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