There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!
Welcome to Pandora's Aquarium, a rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivor message board and chat room.
If you've been a victim of any type of sexual violence, you belong here. What you see below represents just a fraction of the resources and survivor support available. Register now to join our community and take full advantage of what this online support group has to offer you as you heal and recover, or sign in to remove this message.
You are not alone, we can support you as you heal, and you've made an important step toward recovery by reaching out. If you are unable to register or have any questions, please contact the staff or view our home page.
Trigger warning. Please take care of you.
I have been depressed lately. I am depressed. I am also anxious, at times today I've been full of anxiety. The past few days. Which seems to be so contradictory. To be depressed, down, but at the same time, anxious, which doesn't leave me feeling "down".
I'm in a dark place. And I realized something today.
Back when I was seeing Dr H, I had a period where I went through horrible anxiety. Over driving. I was convinced that I was going to get into an accident behind the wheel and die. I would be scared to death to drive to my sessions.
At the same time, I was depressed. I was going through some of what I'm going through now, emotionally, mentally. And Dr H was worried about me.
And I told her that the only thing that should worry her is if I stopped being so anxious about driving, and if I didn't care whether or not I got into an accident and died.
And today I realized that now I don't care whether or not I get into an accident and die.
No, I'm not actively suicidal. Yes, I want to SI. I came close today. But, no, I'm not planning on doing anything suicidal. But on the other hand, if something happened to me, right now, I don't care. And right now, I don't know if I could make myself do whatever I needed to in order to prevent something happening to me.
It was very hard for me to write that. I have had times in the past where I have expressed how I was feeling about this stuff, and it was all misunderstood. Blown out of proportion. Which only made it worse. Most times, when I feel this low, I keep my mouth shut. But tonight I need to be able to express it.
So, thank you. For listening. For understanding. And for knowing, like I do, that this will pass, and I will be ok. I do have hope for that.
But I still feel the way I do.