Help
Welcome to Pandora's Aquarium, a rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivor message board and chat room.
If you've been a victim of any type of sexual violence, you belong here. What you see below represents just a fraction of the resources and survivor support available. Register now to join our community and take full advantage of what this online support group has to offer you as you heal and recover, or sign in to remove this message.
You are not alone, we can support you as you heal, and you've made an important step toward recovery by reaching out. If you are unable to register or have any questions, please contact the staff or view our home page.
My tumblr blog post for the evening, if anyone would like to read.
http://artlifehealing.tumblr.com/
Today was hard for me. After work, I came home, showered and changed, and went to a wake. For my cleaning client, the man who battled pancreatic cancer.
And my problem is, I don't understand why.
People tell me I am a good person, or someone tells me they love me.
But I'm not. I tell myself that. I believe it.
And I know that it has to do with the rapes, the things he said to me.
Right now, I am working on writing the hardest part of that night behind the building. There are words that he said to me, that I have not been able to repeat, not even in writing. And all of his words keeping running through my mind. When I have a moment to myself, or lay down to go to sleep, there they are.
It's like, those words he spoke just beat it into my psyche, that I am what he said I was. Dirty, disgusting. Leaves me feeling like I am no good. Not worthy of anyone's love. Leaves me BELIEVING that.
It is painful. So painful, that I can't take to heart the things others say about me, the good things they say. It is painful that I can't believe them, and feel good about myself. And at times, the more I try to believe them, the more frustrated I get, and the more I hate myself.
http://artlifehealing.tumblr.com/
Today was hard for me. After work, I came home, showered and changed, and went to a wake. For my cleaning client, the man who battled pancreatic cancer.
And my problem is, I don't understand why.
People tell me I am a good person, or someone tells me they love me.
But I'm not. I tell myself that. I believe it.
And I know that it has to do with the rapes, the things he said to me.
Right now, I am working on writing the hardest part of that night behind the building. There are words that he said to me, that I have not been able to repeat, not even in writing. And all of his words keeping running through my mind. When I have a moment to myself, or lay down to go to sleep, there they are.
It's like, those words he spoke just beat it into my psyche, that I am what he said I was. Dirty, disgusting. Leaves me feeling like I am no good. Not worthy of anyone's love. Leaves me BELIEVING that.
It is painful. So painful, that I can't take to heart the things others say about me, the good things they say. It is painful that I can't believe them, and feel good about myself. And at times, the more I try to believe them, the more frustrated I get, and the more I hate myself.
Share This Entry:
missophelia likes this
2 Comments On This Entry
Page 1 of 1
Blog Warning
This is a blog of my thoughts, my feelings, my happiness, my pain, my joy, my sorrow, all raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of your self.
Recent Entries
My Blog Links
Recent Comments
Tags
2 user(s) viewing
2 Guests
0 member(s)
0 anonymous member(s)
0 member(s)
0 anonymous member(s)
Blog Warning
This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.
2 user(s) viewing
2 Guests
0 member(s)
0 anonymous member(s)
0 member(s)
0 anonymous member(s)
Thank you