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maybe a little overwhelmed?...but not all bad

Posted by missophelia , 04 August 2012 · 55 views

I didn't realize exactly how long it's been since I last blogged, until I found a comment from a friend here on my last blog post. A ton of stuff has happened since I last blogged. I've been a little overwhelmed.

But it hasn't all been bad.

And I haven't even posted to my tumblr blog since my last post here. How time flies!

There has also been a part of me that has been not wanting to blog. I don't know if it's me wanting to isolate, or isolating without realizing? I think it might be the latter.

I have been swamped. Between work, and homework for therapy, and spending time in the art room down at the VA. And then there's the music.

This past Thursday, I performed two classical pieces on the piano for the veterans variety show at my VA. It went so well, regardless of my nerves, which were horrible. Yes, I made some mistakes. But I kept going. I didn't stop. And by the time I got into my second piece, I was enjoying myself.

It was great, which I didn't expect it to be.

My music therapist video taped it, so I should be getting a dvd of my performance. I will try to upload it here, or maybe I can post it to youtube and post a link here. Total it has to be almost 20 minutes, so I don't know about the size. But I will try.

I got so much applause. It really felt good. And Dr K came down specifically to see me. Which was a surprise, and so awesome!

And I have to admit I am a little relieved now that it's over. I can now go down to the VA and play the piano for fun.

My session this past Tuesday was very hard. I had written out in detail the rape behind the building. In much more detail than I wrote it here a while back. And I had to read it for Dr K. And that was so hard.

And I have more homework.

It has hit me hard, though. Memories, body memories, nightmares. Hearing his words. And it's just all brought up thoughts and feelings I have had, and still have, about myself.

And now, my mother's ex decided to stop here yesterday while I was out, and leave me a note asking me to call him. Why, I don't know. But he is a creepy man. He has always gone out of his way to tell me how much he likes me. I have gone out of my way to stay away from him as much as possible. And now I find out he has violence in his past. He slapped the daughter of an ex girlfriend so hard he almost broke her nose.

So, my anxiety and feeling triggered have been on high today. When I don't call him, I think he will show up again. And my mother won't contact him to tell him to leave me alone.

So, I've been trying to stay busy today. I have been working on the painting for my grandson. Tomorrow I should be able to actually start painting it. Exciting!

So much has been going on, but I am looking forward to blogging regularly again. I need to keep telling my story, and I have some good parts that I want to share.

I have missed being here, and I hope everyone has a good evening.

I would love to be able to play an instrument and paint. You sound very talented and brave not just the piano but writing an dreading out your rape to y our T, I'm to chicken.

Take care, hope you settle down.

Aug 05 2012 06:21 AM

Thank you. There are times that I don't feel talented, or brave, but I try. And I don't think you are chicken. You are brave, to be here, to be surviving.

You take care, too. :)

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This is a blog of my thoughts, my feelings, my happiness, my pain, my joy, my sorrow, all raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of your self.

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    Blog Warning

    This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.

    12 user(s) viewing

    0 members, 12 guests, 0 anonymous users

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