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Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!
There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!
There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!
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Here is my Tumblr blog post for the evening, if anyone cares to read it. It is more of my story, from my childhood, actually.
http://artlifehealing.tumblr.com/
I am feeling so conflicted. With being here, with continuing trauma processing. With just about everything. It's been a while since I blogged here, or on Tumblr. I wasn't expecting the homework I did last week to hit me so hard. I think it hit me even harder because I had to read it to Dr K, and then we talked about it.
I have been working on homework this week, but it isn't the kind that I can write down here. But I am doing it. But it is so hard.
I haven't really expected what this work is already bringing up. And this is in no way me being actively suicidal, but I keep thinking of the plan I had 4 years ago, and just how nice and peaceful it would be.
But, like I just said, I am not suicidal. I've just been doing that thinking. And maybe part of that thinking is because I am trying to find a way to get some relief from all of the memories, the pain, the self hatred that this trauma processing is bringing up within me. I know, it sounds like a horrible way to self soothe myself. I don't really self soothe. Especially not when I am feeling hatred for myself.
But, I will be ok.
And today, I have actually been quite productive. I've gotten quite a bit of work done on my painting for my grandson. I've done some cleaning. Weeded out some clothing that doesn't fit me anymore since I've lost weight. I even have some things set aside that my daughter may be able to use as maternity wear.
I also baked a chicken, made some pasta, did the laundry. I've been busy.
I'm also being aware, and trying to keep some kind of positives in my life right now. That's partly what my Tumblr writing was about tonight. I know the trauma processing is not going to get any easier. I need to do all I can so that I don't get totally thrown off track and taken down by the memories and all of the other emotions and feelings that are now surfacing again, and that will keep surfacing through the trauma work.
I don't know, I just feel so conflicted. And I wish saying that made sense.
http://artlifehealing.tumblr.com/
I am feeling so conflicted. With being here, with continuing trauma processing. With just about everything. It's been a while since I blogged here, or on Tumblr. I wasn't expecting the homework I did last week to hit me so hard. I think it hit me even harder because I had to read it to Dr K, and then we talked about it.
I have been working on homework this week, but it isn't the kind that I can write down here. But I am doing it. But it is so hard.
I haven't really expected what this work is already bringing up. And this is in no way me being actively suicidal, but I keep thinking of the plan I had 4 years ago, and just how nice and peaceful it would be.
But, like I just said, I am not suicidal. I've just been doing that thinking. And maybe part of that thinking is because I am trying to find a way to get some relief from all of the memories, the pain, the self hatred that this trauma processing is bringing up within me. I know, it sounds like a horrible way to self soothe myself. I don't really self soothe. Especially not when I am feeling hatred for myself.
But, I will be ok.
And today, I have actually been quite productive. I've gotten quite a bit of work done on my painting for my grandson. I've done some cleaning. Weeded out some clothing that doesn't fit me anymore since I've lost weight. I even have some things set aside that my daughter may be able to use as maternity wear.
I also baked a chicken, made some pasta, did the laundry. I've been busy.
I'm also being aware, and trying to keep some kind of positives in my life right now. That's partly what my Tumblr writing was about tonight. I know the trauma processing is not going to get any easier. I need to do all I can so that I don't get totally thrown off track and taken down by the memories and all of the other emotions and feelings that are now surfacing again, and that will keep surfacing through the trauma work.
I don't know, I just feel so conflicted. And I wish saying that made sense.
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You are making sense. I feel the same way about thinking about a su* plan..I am not going to kill myself, but if I am really overwhelmed having an escape like that one eases some of the anxiety..
idk.. anyway.. you are not alone..
take gentle care
tre
Thanks, I'm glad I'm making sense. And I think you're right, it is like having an escape, thinking like that.
And it's nice to know I'm not alone. And you aren't either.
Take gentle care of you, too.