At least I donít have to be there at the crack of dawn.
I canít eat or drink after midnight, but I canít smoke either. I wish I could have just one cigarette before the operation. I know I wonít be able to smoke for a while afterward. I can already feel the withdrawal!
I think Iíve worked out all of the worries I have about tomorrow. Iíve worked really hard to separate the oral surgery from the night behind the gym. Iíve been working on taking control back from him, and on putting him in perspective and seeing him for what he is.
I know that after I tell Dr H about what he did to me behind the building, Iíll be even more able to put him in perspective. And to take even more control back from him.
But Iím trying to keep in mind that Iíll be safe tomorrow. That the surgery in my mouth is nothing like what he did to me behind the gym. Itís just not the same.
Itís funny, 6 months ago, I wouldnít have been able to come to any kind of decision that was the best one for me. Tonight I feel good. I struggled with this decision to have the oral surgery, and have been waiting since January for the insurance to approve the operation. And then the dentures.
Itís the best choice I could have made. Because the rest of my natural teeth are so bad, and they keep getting infected. And then thereís the pain.
So, I know Iím doing the right thing. I know Iíll feel better after everythingís done. I know my worries about tomorrow are normal. But I know, and Iíve been told, that everything will be ok. The sedation will be ok. The pain in my mouth wonít be too bad. I wonít bleed for too long. I wonít look horrible while Iím waiting for my mouth to heal.
Thatís going to take 4-8 weeks.
On the bright side, Iíll probably lose weight. Which is good. My meds made me gain close to 40 pounds. Iíd love to take some of it off.
And I know Iíll survive on the diet Iíll be stuck with.
I know Iím strong enough to face tomorrow. So, I guess Iím ready.