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out of sorts

Posted by missophelia , 12 February 2010 · 37 views

Today has been just great. I'm in a funk, and I hate when I get this way.

I'm out of sorts. Very uncomfortable with myself right now. Very uncomfortable with everything around me. I've been like this all day.

I hate my life. I'm so unsatisfied. Nothing in my life is what I want it to be. I feel like my life has no meaning, and it's useless to try and change it.

I hate where I am. I hate the house I live in. I hate my car.

I hate my clothing. I hate the way I put my makeup on. I hate all of the STUFF I own.

I hate my body. I hate eating. I hate sleeping.

I hate watching TV. I hate listening to the radio.

And there's absolutely nothing I can do but wait for the feeling to pass. It makes me feel so restless, so helpless, and nothing helps. I try turning the TV off. That doesn't help. I try going for a ride. That doesn't help.

It's frustrating the hell out of me.

I sat for about an hour in front of the board I primed, just staring at it. Waiting for something to come to me to paint. Nothing. Dr H suggested expressing my anger through my art. If I did that right now, I would just paint the board all black.

So, I finally gave up and asked myself, what's the use.

I'm hungry, but nothing I have in the house looks anywhere near appealing, and there is nothing I want to go to the store to buy. Nothing sounds good. So, I just won't eat. I am managing to drink some tea, but that's it. That doesn't even taste good. But at least it fills my stomach.

I just hate where I am right now.

I know this feeling will pass, but waiting and riding it out is hell.



Blog Warning

This is a blog of my thoughts, my feelings, my happiness, my pain, my joy, my sorrow, all raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of your self.

July 2016

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    Blog Warning

    This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.

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