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Posted by missophelia , 27 January 2010 · 100 views

I'm tired of feeling helpless.

Everything makes me feel helpless. Anxiety. Depression. Nightmares. Flashbacks. Panic Attacks. Every one of those paralyzes me and makes me feel completely helpless.

I want it to change. I want to feel strong. I want to feel confident. I want to be able to have the kind of life that I should be entitled to.

A happy, "normal", life. Where I can go places and do things, enjoy things--enjoy life--without feeling so helpless.

Now I just need to figure out how.

It isn't my fault. I didn't want it. I didn't deserve it. I am not dirty.

I'm trying. :)

i no how you feel, i dont feel like things are gettin any easyer its been 2 years and i still cant sleep and hav flash backs .
so i no how you feel
Jan 27 2010 07:07 PM

I understand how you feel, and it helps me to know that you understand how I feel. Do you have a therapist? I can't say things are sooo much better for me, but being in therapy and using Pandy's is very helpful.

And welcome to Pandy's. You'll find lots of support here. It's a great place to be.

Take gentle care of your self
i understand you too.. Its hard to be able to feel the same when you kind of worry about how wrong things have been or felt..

Its been almost 5 years, and i still go through so much. Especially because my mom never left him. :blush: im trying as well, and i hope BEST for you! Take care :heart:

Jan 27 2010 07:51 PM

Thanks for the support.

I'm sorry for what you've been through, especially since it sounds like your mom didn't give you the support you needed.

I hope the best for you, too.

take gentle care of your self
Oh my dear, I so hate to hear you are going through the same feelings I have been going through for 46 years. The good side it has not been a constant. I have had some major stressors in life that have brought about triggers. It is only now that I am understanding so much about myself and the way I have handled things in my life has been so much about the abuse and I did not even realize it until now. Although I seemed to have finally found peace and solace. I am much more comfortable in my own skin now. Of course I still have the depression off and on and the occasional feelings of inadequacy, but it is the fear that I have let go of and that seems to have allowed me to find my power that I have been searching for since I lost it as a child. I hope and pray you will too but much sooner than I did.

God Bless and Be Well!
Jan 27 2010 08:02 PM

Thank you for the kind words. It sounds like you've been through so much. It also sounds like you have come far.

You give me hope that someday I can find peace and solace too.

take gentle care of your self
Keep saying the words. And I think you are stronger, braver, and more confident then you think you are.

I want what you want too :)
Jan 28 2010 06:44 PM

Thank you for the encouragement. :)

I hope that you too can get what you want.

Blog Warning

This is a blog of my thoughts, my feelings, my happiness, my pain, my joy, my sorrow, all raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of your self.

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    Blog Warning

    This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.

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    Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.