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Getting Over It

Posted by missophelia , 18 January 2010 · 18 views

I hoped that today would be better for me, considering what I've been through this past week. When I went to bed, I fully intended to make today a good one.

Oh well.

I had trouble falling asleep. Probably the fallout from all the emotional stress I've been through. I had trouble getting my body to relax. My mind, too. The last time I looked at the clock it was 3 this morning. I'm not even sure when I woke up, but it was still dark out.

I had a freaky bad nightmare. I'm not good at talking about them, and I'm not ready to write last night's here, because I really don't want to relive it.

When I woke up, I had that horrible smothering feeling. Then came the horrible feelings. I felt him breathing on my neck. I felt his fingers inside of me, hurting me badly. I felt like I had to get him off me. Nothing I did made it any better. I thought I was going to lose my mind.

Eventually they lessened and then stopped, but it was well after the sun came up.

Things have gotten a little bit better this evening, but I had some pretty bad flashbacks throughout the day. So, there went my day. I did manage to take a hot bath a little while ago, which helped me relax some. I'm hoping to get some real sleep tonight. Or at least a few decent hours.

Sometimes I wonder when, or if, I'll ever "get over it." I know there's no time limit on getting over it, but I sometimes feel so impatient with myself. I spent so many years burying all of my emotions, all of my feelings, and I know it will take time.

Still, sometimes I kick myself for not being "better." I guess I just hope that maybe I'll be able to manage everything better someday.

And, I guess I have to learn how to treat myself gently, and stop being so hard on myself. At least, that's what Dr H says.



Blog Warning

This is a blog of my thoughts, my feelings, my happiness, my pain, my joy, my sorrow, all raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of your self.

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    Blog Warning

    This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.

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    0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users


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    Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.