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Getting Over It

Posted by missophelia , 18 January 2010 · 18 views

I hoped that today would be better for me, considering what I've been through this past week. When I went to bed, I fully intended to make today a good one.

Oh well.

I had trouble falling asleep. Probably the fallout from all the emotional stress I've been through. I had trouble getting my body to relax. My mind, too. The last time I looked at the clock it was 3 this morning. I'm not even sure when I woke up, but it was still dark out.

I had a freaky bad nightmare. I'm not good at talking about them, and I'm not ready to write last night's here, because I really don't want to relive it.

When I woke up, I had that horrible smothering feeling. Then came the horrible feelings. I felt him breathing on my neck. I felt his fingers inside of me, hurting me badly. I felt like I had to get him off me. Nothing I did made it any better. I thought I was going to lose my mind.

Eventually they lessened and then stopped, but it was well after the sun came up.

Things have gotten a little bit better this evening, but I had some pretty bad flashbacks throughout the day. So, there went my day. I did manage to take a hot bath a little while ago, which helped me relax some. I'm hoping to get some real sleep tonight. Or at least a few decent hours.

Sometimes I wonder when, or if, I'll ever "get over it." I know there's no time limit on getting over it, but I sometimes feel so impatient with myself. I spent so many years burying all of my emotions, all of my feelings, and I know it will take time.

Still, sometimes I kick myself for not being "better." I guess I just hope that maybe I'll be able to manage everything better someday.

And, I guess I have to learn how to treat myself gently, and stop being so hard on myself. At least, that's what Dr H says.

Blog Warning

This is a blog of my thoughts, my feelings, my happiness, my pain, my joy, my sorrow, all raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of your self.

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    Blog Warning

    This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.

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