I brought up my mom with Dr H, and now I can't stop thinking about her. She really pulls my chain, and I'm so tired of it. I wouldn't dare say anything to her about what she did to me, because she can do no wrong.
Dr H and I talked about what my mom did, and that went OK. Dr H says that what she did was wrong, inappropriate, and so on, but it doesn't help the way I feel. My anger and anxiety are about through the roof right now.
Then, on top of that, my sister in law blew me off this afternoon. We were supposed to get together, and she called to let me know she was almost through doing--whatever, and that she would call me when she was ready to go get coffee. I waited for her call, then I found out that she just went back up to my mom's, who lives a ways away from me. So, no, she didn't call. We didn't get coffee.
Right now I feel like no one in my family gives a crap about me. It just reinforces the feeling I've always had with my family, that I'm invisible, of no concern, of no importance to anyone.
That didn't used to bother me, maybe because of the walls I put around myself. But lately the walls have been crumbling a little, with Dr H's help. Therapy has left me feeling raw, exposed. I don't know if that's good or bad. I'm not sure I like feeling like this.
I know I should just let the thing with my sister in law go, but I've let things go all my life. I guess maybe writing it down here gets it out, but it still doesn't help the way I feel. I want to scream, punch, kick, cry.
I don't know why I'm so guarded, but I know I won't do any of those things. I just want the pain I'm feeling right now to end.