On this day
The day started out OK.
I got some nice gifts, and enjoyed giving some to the others in my family.
Then my tooth started to hurt-bad.
Dental visits are so hard for me.
Anyone putting anything in my mouth is very triggering, as well as anyone coming close to me, especially around my neck area. I just in general don't like to be touched. I find it can be triggering.
I have put off going to the dentist for so long, and right now the pain is unbearable. Luckily I have some pain meds that I can take, and hope that they calm the pain until I figure out how I'm going to handle going to see a dentist. I just know I can't put it off any longer.
I'd like to think that seeing a dentist would be a great way to be good to myself, something I don't do often.
But I think I hate the idea of going as much as I am hating this pain right now.
Besides the pain, I am also dealing with so much anxiety right now.
My husband got some cologne from someone in the family. He put some on.
Immediately, I thought I was going to be sick, and I started to have a panic attack.
Of course, he doesn't know how it made me feel.
Sweat and musk cologne are both triggers for me.
I felt like I was back there again, with him on top of me. Him smelling of sweat and musk. The smell of him rotting in my nostrils as he held me down, his hand over my mouth. I had all I could do to breathe, and then I had to breathe the stench of him.
So, I've loaded up on my anxiety meds and my pain meds.
Maybe my night will be better now.
I hope so.