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I wish

Posted by missophelia , 10 December 2009 · 96 views

I wish that for once my emotions weren't all over the place.
I don't understand how sometimes I can just totally go numb and feel nothing when I have flashbacks.
Then there are days like today.
I had a really bad day of flashbacks and memories. I've been a total wreck.
I haven't been able to eat, and when I tried to lay down and sleep, all I could do was see his face, hear his breathing, listen over and over to the words he said to me.
I took three of my pills for anxiety over the course of the day, just to keep me from jumping out of my skin.
I tried to shower, hoping to wash some of that filth off of me, that I sometimes feel when I have flashbacks.
Nothing has helped.
I guess my body just finally adjusted to my anxiety, because in a way, I feel numb even though I still feeling like crawling out of my skin.
Now I sit here, watching my daughter put our Christmas tree up, with no excitement or joy.
I just wish I didn't feel so lousy.

missophelia



I think everyone goes through those moments, But I guess would say try not to let the past rob you of your present and future. Of course, it happens sometimes but don't let 'them' win.

Mike
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missophelia
Dec 10 2009 10:49 PM
mikesv

Thank you for your kind words. I try every day not to let them win

missophelia

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