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My day of therapy

Posted by missophelia , 30 November 2009 · 92 views

Well, I made it to my therapy appointment today. I slept little last night, and still felt lousy after being triggered last night. All I wanted to do was to curl up in a ball in bed and stay there forever.

It was hard for me to talk to Dr. H about being triggered. It's hard for me to talk to her about anything other than the surface stuff in my life, but I force myself to. She was proud of me for getting out of bed and making it to my appointment, which made me feel good. Then she asked me how I dealt with all of my feelings from last night. I told her what I did--take my pills and go to bed. Then I told her I feel like a lame-ass.

I know she hates it when I put myself down, but sometimes I do feel pretty lame--I can't work, I can't see a cop in uniform without falling apart, most of the time I can't complete my shopping without rushing away from the crowds and going home empty handed. And that's just a start to the list of things I can't do, all because of him. Have I mentioned how much I hate him?

Anyway, yeah, I feel like a lame-ass. Yeah, it's unfair of me to be so hard on myself. I really try not to, but I've been so hard on myself for so long, I guess I need to un-learn that habit.

Anyway, my session with Dr. H went OK. Again, for the I don't know how many times, we talked about positive ways I can handle myself when I am triggered. Then Dr. H again told me how proud she was of me, because I've come a long way since last year, and because I keep coming to my appointments even though she knows how hard it is for me.

But I realized today it all boils down to one thing--I'm determined to not let him ruin the rest of my life.



Blog Warning

This is a blog of my thoughts, my feelings, my happiness, my pain, my joy, my sorrow, all raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of your self.

July 2016

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    Blog Warning

    This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.

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    Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.