But my mind keeps fast forwarding to tomorrow.
Mondays are my usual days for therapy. Don't get me wrong--Dr. H is helping me. I just hate therapy. I wonder if I'm alone in that feeling.
I've always hated talking about myself. I don't know if it's low self-esteem, or self-consciousness, or what. Maybe it's just that I feel overwhelming vulnerability when I talk about myself. I open myself up for criticism, or to give someone a reason to not like me.
Maybe I just would rather avoid talking about my feelings, the rape, personal stuff that I only talk to Dr. H about. I just dread therapy. I guess I spent twenty years trying to avoid talking about those things, so it shouldn't be some big surprise that I would rather avoid therapy. Of course, if I did back out, all I have to do is to look at the past twenty years to see what the next twenty years would be like.