I went to bed early enough last night, hoping for a good night's sleep. I really need that. I finally managed to fall asleep, after pushing all the thoughts out of my mind. I didn't sleep long before I had a nightmare.
Having to deal with the rape is bad enough, but the nightmares make bad unbearable. Last night was like reliving the whole thing all over again. I woke up wanting to scream.
I always sleep with the my table lamp and the radio on, thanks to him. Last night I turned on every light in the house. It was the only way I felt safe.
Right now I feel like I'm running on empty. I never went back to bed, and I haven't even really napped all day. I just wish I could get a decent night's sleep for once, even if only 4 or 5 hours. I don't think that's too much to ask.
Like I said, I'm not in a good space right now. My thoughts are so negative, about myself, about my life. I just feel depressed, but at the same time panicky. I don't know how much longer I can go on without some decent sleep, and trying to deal with all of my feelings. I don't even know if I make sense.