I go from anxiety, to depression, to numbness, and on and on...
All I've accomplished today is lying around, wanting so badly to cry, but not being able to. I know it's not good for me to lie around doing nothing. It doesn't help my depression. It doesn't help keep my mind from turning to thoughts about him.
Dr. H wants me to be able to focus on something pleasant--think about my daughter, think about a better time in my life, think of some place where I was happy, or of some occasion that brought me happiness. She says that can help me get through my "tough times."
Sometimes I think that she thinks it's just that easy, like snapping my fingers and my mood will bounce back to a happy medium.
I keep thinking that it wouldn't be that bad if I just fixed on one emotion and ran with it. I certainly don't want the anxiety, or depression, or whatever. I just hate it when my emotions bounce around, up and down, back and forth.
I just really want to get off the ride.