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Another chance to spend time with a friend of mine, and instead I'm home feeling miserable. I just don't think she'd understand if I told her that being out after dark terrifies me.
I guess I have him to blame for that.
I just feel useless, as a friend, but also as a functioning human being. My fear of the dark is just another one of those things I have to deal with, something I'd rather not even have to give a thought about.
My shrink tries to reassure me that what I am feeling is ok, normal for my experiences, and that I shouldn't be so hard on myself. She tells me that eventually I'll be able to manage all of my feelings, my emotions, without falling to pieces.
But instead of giving myself a break, I sit around feeling like a failure, like some kind of sideshow freak. At times I feel like I'm not worth the time or energy to try and get through all of this. Funny how I can beat myself up over just about anything. I know it isn't my fault that I can't be out at night, that I can't even sleep without the light on.
I just wish I didn't feel so useless.
I guess I have him to blame for that.
I just feel useless, as a friend, but also as a functioning human being. My fear of the dark is just another one of those things I have to deal with, something I'd rather not even have to give a thought about.
My shrink tries to reassure me that what I am feeling is ok, normal for my experiences, and that I shouldn't be so hard on myself. She tells me that eventually I'll be able to manage all of my feelings, my emotions, without falling to pieces.
But instead of giving myself a break, I sit around feeling like a failure, like some kind of sideshow freak. At times I feel like I'm not worth the time or energy to try and get through all of this. Funny how I can beat myself up over just about anything. I know it isn't my fault that I can't be out at night, that I can't even sleep without the light on.
I just wish I didn't feel so useless.
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