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the lie...

Posted by missophelia , 26 May 2013 · 43 views

Picture of my artwork enclosed.

This is the third drawing I have done now, I guess as a way of trying whatever I can to help me pull myself out of this pit of depression that I have gotten mired in. It's another one of the quotes I have written in a book, that have some kind of meaning to me.

Dr K and I discussed this quote. She asked me what it m...


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fragile...

Posted by missophelia , 23 May 2013 · 36 views

My belief is gone
My hope has faded
I am depressed
Angry
Full of anxiety

I feel overwhelmingly fragile.


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so hard...

Posted by missophelia , 19 May 2013 · 62 views

Everything has become so hard for me lately. Even writing this here, now, is just so hard. I honestly don't know how much I can manage to put down into words.

I have been so overwhelmed. I feel overwhelmed. I am just full of anxiety, and anger. I'm always depressed. Some moments are worse than others.

I got triggered the other day. Some...


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to quote Elizabeth Wurtzel 3....

Posted by missophelia , 16 May 2013 · 39 views

ďAt heart, I have always been a coper, Iíve mostly been able to walk around with my wounds safely hidden, and Iíve always stored up my deep depressive episodes for the weeks off when there was time to have an abbreviated version of a complete breakdown. But in the end, Iíd be able to get up and on with it, could always do what little must be done to scrat...


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out...

Posted by missophelia , 15 May 2013 · 53 views

sometimes I want out so badlyÖ

like right now



I posted that on my tumblr blog. Short and sweet and to the point. I didn't add the following.



I feel so overwhelmed right now.

I want everyone to go away and leave me alone.

I want to just take my keys, get in my car, and drive away.

I want to SI.

I want to just go to bed and stay there f...


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survival mode....

Posted by missophelia , 14 May 2013 · 40 views

I feel like Iíve reached the basest of survival mode.

Therapy

Distraction

Self Injury

And I keep asking myself, how can I build myself back up again, now, when I have been cut down to the core. How can I build myself back up again when I struggle to just make it through each day, each hour, each minute.


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trees and art and therapy....

Posted by missophelia , 12 May 2013 · 44 views

picture enclosed :)/>

My therapist, Dr K, and I, are trying to work together to help me find more positive ways to cope with the overwhelming feelings I am going through right now. I haven't been as overwhelmed the past couple of days, but the urges to SI are still there, strong, for the most part constant.

I discussed The Butterfly Project wi...


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I paint...

Posted by missophelia , 08 May 2013 · 60 views

I paint.

I paint on the blank canvas. Not with a brush. Not with a palette knife. Not with the beauty of the world around me.

I paint with all the anger, the pain, the rage, anxiety, and depression, that is locked deep inside of me. As it breaks free from the emotional bondage that has kept it down, kept it buried, for so long.

As it rises to the s...


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overwhelmed....

Posted by missophelia , 05 May 2013 · 41 views

So, I've been quiet, not sharing too much about what has been going on with me. I'm battling the need to push people away, to try and keep them at a distance. I want to isolate so badly. This last week, however, I think I've done more talking about what's going on with me than I have in a long time.

This past week has been hell for me...


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sometimes...

Posted by missophelia , 02 May 2013 · 34 views

I am exhausted right now. Mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Sometimes, I just want to get off this ride....






Blog Warning

This is a blog of my thoughts, my feelings, my happiness, my pain, my joy, my sorrow, all raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of your self.

May 2013

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    Blog Warning

    This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.

    2 user(s) viewing

    0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users

    Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.