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which...

Posted by missophelia , 20 March 2013 · 90 views

trigger warning for talk of SI and SU. Please take gentle care of your self if reading.

Which is worse?

The fact that I gave in and SI'ed last night?
Or how I think Dr K will see it?

I gave in to my urges last night, and SI'ed. Not badly, though. I have been having urges again today. And I know that it's like an addiction. But right no...


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guilty....

Posted by missophelia , 19 March 2013 · 59 views

If I reach out, if I seek help, if I don't give in, does that somehow change who I am, and make me better for not giving in?
If I tell you that giving in to my urges would give me some relief, if I tell you that that's the only way that will work for me, does that mean I am not working on my healing?
If I say I am sorry for giving in, does that in...


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secret...

Posted by missophelia , 18 March 2013 · 78 views

I feel like my depression is a dirty little secret. I couldn't even talk about it in group tonight.


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my depression...

Posted by missophelia , 17 March 2013 · 70 views

my depression seems to be hanging on to me, deep inside of me,
like a life sucking, blood sucking leech that has attached itself to my soul


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something I want to share...

Posted by missophelia , 16 March 2013 · 116 views

And right now, it doesn't really mean a whole lot to me. But maybe it can be something I can hang on to, and it can help to bring me out of my depression.

C, who ran the art show at my VA last month, approached me last week. Someone from a local organization, is having an art show in May, and wants to exhibit some works of local veterans. C asked...


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I just don't know...

Posted by missophelia , 14 March 2013 · 103 views

Today, someone said "thank you" to me after I told her that I didn't SI. Of course, this is a friend, who is concerned about me.

But her saying that to me, with all of her good intentions and concern, isn't exactly helpful to me.

I just don't know what, if anything, can help me right now.

I feel like I am at the lowest depths of...


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wanting....

Posted by missophelia , 12 March 2013 · 96 views

wanting
to erase every word ever said to me
by her, by him,
and by him
to bury it all again
to finally realize, once and for all
what I really am
and to stop striving to change
what I know to be true
about myself
to remove every mirror from existence
so that I don't have to confront
what it is that I don't want to see
to take up my tool
to give...


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to quote Frederick Douglass...

Posted by missophelia , 12 March 2013 · 91 views

“If there is no struggle, there is no progress.”

— Frederick Douglass



And that’s what sucks. No struggle, no progress, no healing.

I feel doomed.


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raw...

Posted by missophelia , 12 March 2013 · 51 views

therapy scrapes my insides raw,

every single time


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I can relate...

Posted by missophelia , 10 March 2013 · 59 views

I know how Eeyore feels.

Except his dark rain cloud was over him.

Mine is inside of me.






Blog Warning

This is a blog of my thoughts, my feelings, my happiness, my pain, my joy, my sorrow, all raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of your self.

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    Blog Warning

    This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.

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    Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.