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there...

Posted by missophelia , 31 March 2013 · 88 views

The pain is there.

And I don't understand it.

I want to SI so badly.

It just all hurts.


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fleeting....

Posted by missophelia , 30 March 2013 · 83 views

Fleeting moments. Fleeting where I am alright.

Very fleeting.

I'm not alright.


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just another day...

Posted by missophelia , 29 March 2013 · 101 views

Dr K called me first thing this morning. I figured I had called her too late in the day yesterday. Anyway, she was really good to me. I feel like I don't deserve her. We talked a little about what's been going on with me the past couple of days. She did ask if I threw my tool away. I was honest with her. I'm sure at my next session we w...


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seriously...

Posted by missophelia , 28 March 2013 · 112 views

Seriously, I am starting to wonder if I need to be in the hospital. Today wasn't wonderful. My thoughts were dark.

I did call Dr K, but it was later in the day by the time I needed to call her. She didn't get back to me, but she probably will in the morning.

I have kept myself busy, and now I need to get to bed. I am hoping I can just go...


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horrible....

Posted by missophelia , 27 March 2013 · 91 views

Today was horrible. I almost called Dr K. But I was so busy with work, and then I had to meet with my tax preparer. I didn't have the time to breathe!

Work is getting to be increasingly harder for me. I don't know why. I get horrible anxiety, and get so depressed. Which makes no sense. It isn't that high pressure of a job. It'...


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hard session....

Posted by missophelia , 26 March 2013 · 86 views

Extremely hard. I don't really talk face to face with anyone about my SI'ing. Dr K was glad I brought it up today though.

It was very hard. Talking about a wide range of emotions, why I do it, the negatives, the positives. Why I did it this past week.

It is such a private thing for me. She asked to see my wounds, and I didn't want to...


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struggling...

Posted by missophelia , 25 March 2013 · 93 views

struggling...

badly...


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lost...

Posted by missophelia , 23 March 2013 · 150 views

I feel like I've lost myself. Lost myself in my depression. And my anger and anxiety. And I'm not sure how to come back from that.

Everything just feels so dark. Everything looks so dark to me.

I am really trying to fight it, the urge to just give up is so strong.

My urges to SI are so strong, too. And I'd like to be able to say that...


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despair...

Posted by missophelia , 22 March 2013 · 95 views

1. v. To lose all hope

2. v. To be overcome by a sense of futility or defeat.

1. n. Complete loss of hope.



I feel like this is the closest I've come to what despair is defined as, in a very long time. I am really trying to pull myself out of this. I was home most of the day, then went and did my afternoon job. It wasn't good most of the...


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feeling...

Posted by missophelia , 21 March 2013 · 96 views

I am feeling very fragile at the moment. At the past several thousand moments, actually. And there is so much going on in my head.

Headlining all of those things right now is the fact that I don't want to be here. I don't want to be anywhere. I don't want to be on the planet. I am feeling like there is absolutely no reason for me to conti...






Blog Warning

This is a blog of my thoughts, my feelings, my happiness, my pain, my joy, my sorrow, all raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of your self.

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    Blog Warning

    This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.

    0 user(s) viewing

    0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

    Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.