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Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!

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bellachai, jmsclayton, Lucchia and 2 others like this

there...

31 March 2013
Posted by missophelia  
The pain is there.

And I don't understand it.

I want to SI so badly.

It just all hurts.

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fleeting....

30 March 2013
Posted by missophelia  
Fleeting moments. Fleeting where I am alright.

Very fleeting.

I'm not alright.

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just another day...

29 March 2013
Posted by missophelia  
Dr K called me first thing this morning. I figured I had called her too late in the day yesterday. Anyway, she was really good to me. I feel like I don't deserve her. We talked a little about what's been going on with me the past couple of days. She did ask if I threw my tool away. I was honest with her. I'm sure at my next...
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seriously...

28 March 2013
Posted by missophelia  
Seriously, I am starting to wonder if I need to be in the hospital. Today wasn't wonderful. My thoughts were dark.

I did call Dr K, but it was later in the day by the time I needed to call her. She didn't get back to me, but she probably will in the morning.

I have kept myself busy, and now I need to get to bed. I am hoping I can...
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horrible....

27 March 2013
Posted by missophelia  
Today was horrible. I almost called Dr K. But I was so busy with work, and then I had to meet with my tax preparer. I didn't have the time to breathe!

Work is getting to be increasingly harder for me. I don't know why. I get horrible anxiety, and get so depressed. Which makes no sense. It isn't that high pressure of a job. ...
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hard session....

26 March 2013
Posted by missophelia  
Extremely hard. I don't really talk face to face with anyone about my SI'ing. Dr K was glad I brought it up today though.

It was very hard. Talking about a wide range of emotions, why I do it, the negatives, the positives. Why I did it this past week.

It is such a private thing for me. She asked to see my wounds, and I didn't...
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struggling...

25 March 2013
Posted by missophelia  
struggling...

badly...

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lost...

23 March 2013
Posted by missophelia  
I feel like I've lost myself. Lost myself in my depression. And my anger and anxiety. And I'm not sure how to come back from that.

Everything just feels so dark. Everything looks so dark to me.

I am really trying to fight it, the urge to just give up is so strong.

My urges to SI are so strong, too. And I'd like to be able to...
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despair...

22 March 2013
Posted by missophelia  
1. v. To lose all hope

2. v. To be overcome by a sense of futility or defeat.

1. n. Complete loss of hope.



I feel like this is the closest I've come to what despair is defined as, in a very long time. I am really trying to pull myself out of this. I was home most of the day, then went and did my afternoon job. It wasn't good...
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feeling...

21 March 2013
Posted by missophelia  
I am feeling very fragile at the moment. At the past several thousand moments, actually. And there is so much going on in my head.

Headlining all of those things right now is the fact that I don't want to be here. I don't want to be anywhere. I don't want to be on the planet. I am feeling like there is absolutely no reason for me...
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bellachai, jmsclayton, Lucchia and 2 others like this

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This is a blog of my thoughts, my feelings, my happiness, my pain, my joy, my sorrow, all raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of your self.

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